Considering casual arrangement with ex/child's father - seeking advice

[PaigeDanielle1244850]

I’m a 31-year-old who had a 10-year relationship with my child’s father. We’ve been separated for 3 years since he went to prison for a non-violent crime. He’s been out for a couple of months now, has a job, and is consistent with our son.

As a work-from-home introvert, I’ve had no form of intimacy in 3 years. My ex is the only person I’ve been intimate with in 13 years. I’m considering a casual arrangement with him, possibly meeting once a month in a hotel. I’m no longer afraid of being alone and enjoy my peace, but I’m feeling increasingly isolated and depressed due to the lack of human connection.

My ex knows that I don’t want a relationship right now, but he would love to rekindle one in the future. Additionally, I have health conditions that make me severely immune-compromised, so I have to be very cautious about infections. Our arrangement would include breaking things off if either of us becomes interested in someone else.

Is it possible for such an arrangement to be healthy, or am I setting myself up for trouble? I’d appreciate any advice or experiences from those who have been in similar situations.

Non if that sounds healthy, I wouldn't advise this as a suitable option.

Its a terrible idea. Go online and you'll find a neverending string of sausage that'll be only too happy to provide the casual arrangement you desire.

Good god no. Don't do it op.

I disagree with other posters. I think It's healthier to have sex with someone you already know, you have a child together, you care about each other... if it suits you both and you have boundaries in place why not? Better than a stranger.

i’m glad you asked this op as i am wondering the same thing. people say go online but i wouldn’t be comfortable meeting strange men for sex it would need to be someone i know and trust and also most men online aren’t looking for a regular thing they will most likely sleep with you once then ghost you.

and then there is the safety aspect of meeting men online for sex surprised most people think that’s better it’s extremely risky.

Where’s the harm? I mean what’s the worst that can happen

Why is he an ex? Not a goady question, an honest one. That answer would shape my response to you.

Get yourself on LoveHoney. No complications, just make sure you charge the battery regularly!

No. First rule of casual/fwb is that it won't end well with someone you have or had feelings for. Even from what your ex is saying, it's clear he still has feelings and desires to rekindle romantically with you. This has disaster written all over it.

Been there, done that. I get the fear of someone new after only being with one person for so long. Presumably he's OK at it and you know what to expect.

There were 2 major downsides.
1 - he did want to get back together and despite me being quite cold and blunt about my lack of feelings, there were obviously mixed messages being picked up and he became increasingly difficult to get rid of. I basically had to break up with him (and all the crap that went with that) a second time.

2 - I ended it because I'd met someone else and wanted to pursue that. He (ex) went ballistic and acted as though I'd cheated on him, it was a very unpleasant and frankly dangerous time for me, my children and my new guy. I had to explain to the new guy what had been happening - hugely embarrassing and I'm still surprised he didn't dump me.

You mean let your ex use you for sex? Are you really this desperate? Have some dignity. You said he would love to rekindle more than just a casual arrangement. Can you not see where that will go when he knows you don't want a relationship but refuses to accept it because he would love to rekindle more with you? You honestly think he's going to me ok with another man in his kids life if you meet someone else after you've been having sex with him on a regular basis?

It sounds more like she'd be using him for sex!

And anyway, why can't a woman enjoy casual sex herself? Why does it have to be something she just gives away along with her dignity?

I still think it's a bad idea in the given circumstances though.

Absolutely. Let's conveniently let's forget there's a child involved here.

In what way is a child involved in the OP's sex life?? She clearly said she was thinking of meeting her ex in a hotel once a month, I thought it was safe to assume she wasn't intending to take her dc with her.