So a bit of a long one…. I just need some advice really.
Married for 18 years. Husband has lots of baggage from abandonment for his mother at childhood etc very insecure at the start of our relationship, made me feel bad about my past relationships, went through my stuff in my apartment etc so the red flags were there. We mainly have had a lovely relationship together, up and downs. I left my work, home and family to follow him about in rural locations for his work over the years. Up rooting the kids to move schools for his new jobs etc. he did support me in a business venture of my own which failed after so many year as I couldn’t keep up with the demands of motherhood, work and business being so isolated from family etc. Anyhow oldest son has moved out and teenage daughter is becoming problematic as they do! He undermines everything I say to her, telling me (so she can hear) that I’m too hard on her and all the rest. She is on the spectrum and he believes this excuses her bad behaviour towards me. This has gone on for 2 years and it is now at the point where she has no respect for me and I am constantly the bad parent. They are so close and I feel really pushed out. It sounds silly but it has become constant arguing in the house. I feel he has a really negative influence on the dynamic of the house. I told him he is making me feel like I’m a bad parent by constantly telling me how to parent her and telling me off for setting boundaries and it is really having an effect on me mentally. He doesn’t believe this could have such an effect on me.
on top of this I still feel isolated where we live (rural and I have to travel to see anyone , work gym etc)and I want to move into the town 15 mins away but this means he would have to travel to work or live on site for some of the week. He has said for the past 3 years we will do this if the right house comes up. But now he is saying he doesn’t want this and I need to get my own house as he can’t cope with my hormonal mood swings - I’m peri menopausal and appreciate I’m not the easiest. So we are separating. I feel so let down. I feel I invested so much into his way of country living and followed him about and now when i have different needs he won’t do the same for me.
over The years there has been some controlling behaviour which I have flagged up to him and he has had counselling etc but now he’s telling me I need to get over how he has behaved in the past. He doesn’t see any point in trying to save the marriage because he is so hurt that I have brought up how he has been making me feel all these years. I
literally feel like I am going crazy! He told me I need alto get help. Basically I am going to get a house of my own. I have a successful job and can manage but is this all down to my hormones? Is this what menopause does or am i overreacting in how I feel about things? I really would appreciate some help with this xx