How do you know?

[Jessiep23]

I’ve been with my husband for 18 years. We have 2 children together.

Over the last few years we’ve had a lot of stress/challenges thrown at us as a family and have always got through it.

Over the last year my husband is extremely grumpy, irritable and miserable. He’s snappy at the kids and has zero patience with anything or anyone.

We are not intimate very often, have the odd kiss or cuddle but that’s it. One of our children has Autism and ADHD so it isn’t easy- home life can be hard work.

My husband and I always used to have a lot of banter and laughs etc but we don’t even do this anymore.

He says he loves me, and if I’ve asked him if this is what he wants anymore he says it is and wouldn’t be here if he doesn’t want to be. I love him and I want this and our family but he’s so blooming grumpy, barely engages with the kids and spends most of his time with his nose in his phone.

We do family things at the weekend together and his is always here, does go out etc just work and home so I know there is nothing else going on.

I’m not sure I just feel a bit weird about things and I’m not sure why I can’t shake this feeling that things are not ok.

Any advice from anyone?

Trust your gut. You know your husband better than anyone. You can sense something is not right.

It sounds like he could be experiencing some kind of depression. It can manifest in so many different ways. It is definitely worth looking in to.

If he is open to it, try to get him to speak to a professional. You could even speak to your GP about your worries and ask what they would recommend you do.

You need to talk to your husband about how his behaviour is affecting you. That it isn’t enough for him to say ‘I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be’ and then barely be present. He has to actively show you he wants to be a father and a husband. That you and your children are taking the brunt of his bad mood and that isn’t fair. That you worry his snappy attitude towards your children will affect his relationship with them.

If he has never shown any of these behaviours in the past, then it is possibly a ‘mid life crisis’ type of thing caused by work stresses or banalities. A ‘stuck in a rut’ kind of situation. The only way to know for sure is if he talks to someone.