Help/advice

[MyCoralLurker]

This may be long I'm sorry. So I met someone out a few months ago. Although we have known each other years never really spoke properly.
Since then we've spoken everyday, been on dates, days out etc. Always had a good morning text and goodnight and spoke on the phone. Met each others children in a public place on a friend only basis.
Anyway everything going great, I told him I liked him and he started being a bit strange. I asked why and he's admitted that when his ex broke up with him after 12 years and 4 months of marriage it was so unexpected (this was in 2021) he went through such a bad time with his mental health and since then he's not been able to let people in and move on and he's scared to move on and let people in. He would rather call it off than get attached and feel the way he did when his ex broke ip with him before he gets strong feelings.
I really like him and I've respected his decision but he's sometimes randomly messaging about random things and then there's nothing again.
I don't know whether just to try and forget him and move on or try speak to him

I would just leave him alone, let him be responsible for himself you can't fix his issues and you deserve to be happy

Thank you. He's such a lovely man though. He's just scared I think. I do miss talking to him

Totally get that OP, but think of yourself and what you deserve

I've been fed this line a few times
When they haven't been genuinely interested in me they've just been after an ego stroke
Last time it happened he literally said 'I'm just not ready for a relationship' after chasing me for 4 months and eventually sleeping together . He was already seeing someone else when he told me this and they're still together now 2 years on .

Forget him. He shouldn't have dated you to begin with, feeling as he did.

Read between the lines.
He’s got cold feet, for whatever reason.
Leave him be and you …. move on.

It sounds like there is clearly something between you but you don’t want or aren’t ready for the same things. It sounds like he’s not being that clear with you about what he is looking for. Is it just that he wants to move slowly until he is ready to take things to the next stage or does he just want friendship?

You have made your feelings clear to him and the random messages and no contact are just sending you mixed signals. If he isn’t interested at all he should probably cut contact so as not to lead you on. But if he is interested then it is quite cruel to be acting so inconsistently.

The next time texts, I would reply that you are finding the sporadic messages really confusing. That your feelings for him haven’t changed, that you don’t want to pressure him into moving quicker than he is comfortable with but you also don’t want to wait around for a relationship that isn’t going to happen.

If he does just want to keep things platonic, then ask yourself if you can be happy just being friends. If not, it is totally OK to ask him not to contact you again (or if you would find that too hard to ask, just stop responding to his messages.)

Yeh I guess so. I'm going to leave him to it. As much as I like him and we had a great time I don't want to be in a situation we're in a few months he will say the same again.
It's just strange as his ex knows about me and we spoke about the future etc