Married, but not had sex in 9 years

[SoBloodyHorny]

Hello lovely ladies. This is my first post so please be kind 😇 and it's a kinda long one so sorry in advance!

So, DH and I have been married for nearly 10 years. We didn't have sex before we married, although we had both had previous sexual partners. Don't want to drip feed, but it was a decision we made because it felt right at the time.

Anyway, things went swimmingly once we were married and had some satisfying sex. Quite a lot of it, actually. I was so glad we were as compatible as we turned out to be. He is the only man who has ever made me cum so that was a winner! Buuuuut, I found out I was pregnant after 2 months of marriage. We had sex on the day we found out, but haven't had sex since. It's almost exactly nine years.

First, it was because I had HORRENDOUS morning sickness, then we were both absolutely shattered from baby duties, then... well, I don't know what happened then. We just didn't do it. Ever again.

So now, I find myself in my mid forties, married with a child. Life in general is good. I love my family and I know they love me. But I want sex. I want lots of sex and honestly don't know what to do about it. The sensible grownup side of me knows that he would do LITERALLY whatever I asked him to. He has dropped many hints that he wants to, but I have exactly ZERO confidence in my ability, my attractiveness (I'm a larger lady as my Mum would say), in anything really.

Not entirely sure what I'm asking. Maybe some advice or a good head wobble. I feel too embarrassed to talk to my friends about it. Thanks for reading if you got this far x

Not sure if anyone will come back to look at this, but just wanted to let you guys know we totally had sex last night 🍆 it was far from perfect, but it was amazing and we chatted after and things are gonna get better. We're both off work today and DC is in school, so we'll just have to spend some time practicing. Thanks for all the advice ladies ❤️

😍😊

How did you approach the matter?

Awww that is so lovely to read! Well done OP, wishing you many more happy shags 😁

It was all very natural tbh. When we got into bed I just snuggled up close to him and things just developed from there 😊

Aw so pleased for you!!

Perfect 👌

Here's hoping it's the first step back in the path to a happy sex life :D

Great!

That's fantastic op! I'm so pleased for you both.

PS: he's a keeper 😁

And I can breathe again... Well done, the both of you! I hope you shag yourselves into oblivion! 😍

Sit down and have a chat that you want to reignite the passion but are self conscious because your body has changed and feel a bit anxious after all this time.

He might say that he also feels anxious because he might finish quickly or not at all after abstaining for so long.

I have to say that I really don't believe that many men would abstain for nine years and there is the possibility he has sought other arrangements for his sex life.

Brilliant! Well done for getting back on that horse, ignoring the naysayers who reckoned 9 years is too long. Here's to years of catching up to be done! 🥂

Wonderful. JFDI!

Omg!!! Dunno if congratulating a stranger on their sex life is normal but 🤷🏻‍♀️ Congratulations!!! Super chuffed you've managed to reconnect. Ahem . . . Keep it up . . . 😉

I know this is a few months old but wanted to respond as I've been in the same boat. Up until a few days ago my husband and I had not had sex for many years. I don't even know how many but guessing around 9 or 10 years. I'm 58 husband 59.

Our sex life went from a few times a week, to twice a month and then gradually less and less. At this point we were both was in our 40s. It was usually I who initiated the first move. It was just pot luck if we had sex or if I was rejected. This went on for a long time. The more he rejected me the more confused, angry and upset I felt. At that point I had a high sex drive and my husband the opposite. We were never evenly matched. Doomed from the start perhaps. I did seek sex casual outside the marriage but it was never going to take the place of sex within a marriage. (another story for another day)

Then once Menopause crept up on me mid 40s, I lost all interest in sex. Gradually even the thought of sex repulsed me. I couldn't even watch a kissing scene in a movie. I no longer fancied my husband sexually and other issue between us were much worse than celibacy. Verbal abuse and drinking was the main culprit. I lost my confidence had no interest in myself or self care. I let myself go.

The hurt of being rejected tore me apart, so menopause was the great escape if you like. We no longer touched, kissed, cuddled, said I love you and sex was a distant memory. However the last few months my hormones have peaked and arousal has crept back in. To the point it was at in my 40s ,there is only so much self pleasing you can do. A few nights ago I couldn't take it anymore and decided to try my luck. Luck was on my side and my husband responded. It felt like the first time all over again. I was so embarrassed the following morning. I couldn't look him in the eye. But it was so good to reconnect after so long. We've discussed past issues at long last and going forward. I have problems to overcome brought on my menopause. But I'm dealing with it and hope that in time we can rebuild our sex life together while we're able.

Start hugging him in bed with nothing else. Prolonged hugs.

Build up to it from there.

Oh sorry I wrote this before I saw your update but sounds like you've cracked it 😉

Thank you, not so sure we've cracked it but it's a start. It was a cuddle that did it though. It was make or break time 😊

@TheNuthatch sorry for the quote new to Mumsnet 🙈 my reply was to @SoBloodyHorny 😊