Why?

[talie101]

....can a man do exactly what he wants, get away with it, carry on as though nothing has happened, never accepts his part in things and shifts all the blame onto the woman....and the woman has to be strong over and over and pick up all the f'ing pieces! I'm beginning to hate men because of my exh and that scares me!

Why can a man cheat and lie to you for many years of your marriage, give you kids and then leave you for the woman he has been cheating on you with?

Why can a man verbally abuse you for a couple of years and physically abuse you (once) in front of your young children and think that is acceptable and that he does not play a part in the affects it has on their young lives...that the blame is all mine?!

Why can he take you to Court and blatantly lie saying you are stopping him from seeing his children and then get awarded more access because HE has HIS rights...sod all the abuse and the after affects! (The Judge was also a man?!!!)

Why can he continue making your life hell a couple of years down the line when you are trying your hardest to be amicable?

Why can he send numerous texts behind her back saying he regrets leaving, grass is not greener, flirt and all the other sh't that comes out of his mouth...but when you tell the girlfriend because you don't want it...she believes him cos he says you're just the lying bitch of an ex wife who's trying to cause trouble!

Why is he allowed to do exactly as he pleases, turn up flaunting the girlfriend under your nose, playing happy families, bringing her to school plays etc to get revenge because you tell him you have moved on and don't want him back!....without a care in the world of the affects it has on the children!

Why will he NOT sit down and talk things through when you ask him over and over because he is always right and you're just a lying bitch preventing him from seeing his kids when he misses a couple of access visits due to illness... the nastiness returns, the threats to take you back to court, the problems with the children start over because he's just a selfish w@nker!

Why do I have to be strong for myself and my children, why do I have to hide my frustration at his behaviour, why do I have to take the abuse and the threats, why do I have to smile sweetly and pretend everything is ok in front of the children and that I accept the other woman being flaunted in front of me? Why do I have to put up with all the pain, the worries of being a single parent, where the next penny is coming from, when he hasn't a care in the world except for attacking me in any which way he can!!

I'm fed up with being strong....who can be strong for me????????

Because he is the weak one and knows that you are the strong one. In my experience, when he first meets you its the fact that you are strong that attracts him to you in the first place but in the end that strength is seen as a threat, as undermining, as being ' a bitch' or a hardnosed cow.
Try to hang on to the idea that he is the weak one. If he is texting you about regrets, he is deceiving her as much as he is being abusive towards you. But you are the one who is free. That must be worth something!

... because he's a total bastard and you're well rid of him by the sounds of it. Well done, you will feel strong again and proud of walking away from that tosser!

Hopefully in time you will meet a man who is decent and gives you the respect you deserve. If you want one, that is.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself and give yourself a hearty pat on the back for getting through what sounds like a horrible time.

I could have written this myself a few years back, and my heart aches for you, aswell as feeling very angry for you, talie.

It is clear that he is having a severe emotional impact on you, and this is really affecting your well-being.

To change the way you feel about something, you must change the way you think about it. Firstly, he is obiously very upset or angry about the divorce or he wouldn't be acting like such a twat. This is his big fat hairy problem, but it should help you to understand the 'flaunting the other woman' situation. Instead of getting angry at his 'insensitivity' (he is not being insensitive, he is doing it on purpose to annoy you), tell your head to pity him because he is clearly not over you, you were the love of his life etc. This will make you feel fab, him look pathetic and it takes away his power over you. You will see that you have power over him, or he wouldn't be trying to aggravate you. That's the truth.

I could go on forever, but please try this. It is empowering, and you could do with some strength right now because, like you said, who else is there to be strong for you? It makes you so angry doesn't it? So try to turn it round