sexless relationship

[morepuzzles]

How long would you stay in a sexless relationship?

My DP is 60 I am mid 40s, we have been together 8y where last 5 sexless. I am literally losing my mind. Social butterfly, fun loving, bubbly now ended up isolated and sad. I ran my own small business so can not afford to rock the boat but I lost my confidence and am wondering where to get the courage from. I spoke to my DP about the situation but he thinks there is no problem. We sleep in separate bedrooms as well. Realy and truly I feel like his servant and future carer. I was waiting for starting a family, marriage etc. It was all talk but no action. Almost as if he planned stalling for time. Some days he says to me that soon we will start a family. I am thinking how? We live like companions and now mid 40s I do not want to have children.
I wonder what others think.

How was your sex life prior to this happening? I wonder how he can think there’s no problem unless he never showed much interest in sex since the start?

If I wanted to have sex and my partner didn’t, I couldn’t stay no. Especially if I noticed it impacting my character for the worse

It will not change.
You are living life his way?
I do not understand how you can not leave because of your own business...
How did you become to live in separate bedrooms?
That is too young for that sort of life.
Do you want to contuine as you are gor How long is the question.

He's in his 60s and you're mid 40s and you've both been waiting to start a family? There's no nice way to say this but that ship has sailed.

I feel you.
More or less where you are now except I've been with mine for 23 years and have a family. Youngest child just 7.
I got very disgruntled having to do everything domestic and felt like a mother to him too, which he rarely thanked me for in the same way id thank him for providing nice things for us( high earner). I stopped doing it. I made him do it for himself and our child. He had to learn and now does some. He's discovered he likes the supermarket, washing clothes and loading the dishwasher so does it.

For me it's not just no sex, from him there's a lack of physical and mental intimacy and it's worsened because I'veshut off as I don't want to feel constantly rejected and disappointed. It's Easier to steer clear altogether. In other terms we get on well and agree on things, although he seems to be going more extreme. He definitely has ND traits which are exacerbating with age, threw are harder to detect in purple in this age group as they had to learn to mask so heavily, they have no awareness of it often.
The whole situation takes away you, your personality, your soul, spirt and your zest, your essence of you will, it's like living as another person In my case. I see l still feel strongly tired- I married someone for better or worse. I have a young child and a financial set up so legally constructed and watertight against me, I have to stick for now. It's finding ways to cope.

In your case, you don't have to same ties by the sound of it, you want a child - have it with soneone else, a donor if need be, protect your and your child's future sanity and peace of mind, but do everything you can to try for that child you want but he is in different to. It matters.

thank you for your comments. separate bedrooms started with snoring and me refusing mortgage together. I asked for years for him to sort out the snoring - nothing happened. DP wanted me to get a mortgage with him first and then a baby. I was aware of his age so my approach was let's have a baby first and then a mortgage. DP said no. I now resigned myself to not have children but resentment is growing fast. As one of you mentioned above "I am living life his way' - absolutely. This is companionship and I am too young for that. There is no sex, no intimacy, laughter, dates. I can not talk to him about anything other than himself. It is all about him and what he wants and needs. I think the foundation for this relationship turned companionship was built on a lie. When we've met I opened up about my then rather sad situation (ex), he felt my vunerability was worth pursuing and he offered me everything I ever wanted (as a false promise), I fell for it and when it came to fulfill the promise he started putting bariers. Each time I jumped the hoop, there was next one waiting. fast forward nearly a decade and I want to leave but I have no idea how. I have all my friends and family abroad so that doesnt help.

This isn't a sexless relationship, it's everything-less.

Would you consider moving abroad closer to your family and friends? can you run your business from there?

You're obviously not happy but no one is forcing you to stay and you have no ties; you're not even on the mortgage. You could spend the rest of your life disrespected, diminished and lonely or you could leave.

It amazes me how long people let this drag on for, its a clear sign that things are wrong. Just end it, your future depends on it - it will be shit with him.
In answer to your question, about 2 months, with a 3 year old and after being together over 12 years. Soon as I lost attraction and respectfor him, there was nothing other left to lose.

I need a bit of help in this issue please. I am 46 my partner is 54, we have only been together a couple of years, separate houses, see each other once or twice a week (i am a single parent with a 15 yrold).

Right from the off, sexually or physically we haven't really been compatible, he seemed very inexperienced & inattentive I persevered because i thought it would come in time. He'd had a heartattack the year before we got together, so with medication etc - i thought i would still give the relationship a go, because in time it would get better/easier, but in fact its got worse. I love him to bits, he's a great man, but he doesn't touch me, kiss me - he doesn't go anywhere near me and i dont know why, it has destroyed my confidence, my self worth and my ability to see myself as an attractive person (which i did before) - i know two years isnt a long time and other people would just tell me leave, but i love him so much, we get on really well..and love each other. I am just stuck and dont know what to do! I have tried to talk to him, but i just end up breaking down and crying and coming across as a mental patient. He said his libido has suffered since his heartattack - but i dont know whether i can exist in a relationship where there is no intimacy or sex!! x

You should start your own post, not piggyback on someone elses.

I'd cope in a sexless relationship for about 3 weeks.

Man here. I've been in a sexless marriage since my DW announced 10 years ago that she couldn't have sex anymore as she was fat frumpy and fifty. I remember having a boys weekend away in 2017 and bawling my head off and retreating to my room when a lack of sex was brought up. I have tried everything I can to convince her to change. We both need to lose weight. I started my own micro pub just to give me something to do and forget about the no sexlife. I have contemplated leaving but I love the girl to bits, she is my soul mate. We sleep together and have dates nights. We hold hands in public and have the occasional kiss. I will go to the end of the world for her, she won't even go to the end of the street for me 😂I recently swallowed poison at work by mistake and needed A and E rapidly. My DW said over the phone oh well yes I suppose I can come down and take you to hospital but I'll just walk the dogs first. And annoyingly this morning I got a telling off for looking at porn. I just raised an eyebrow rather than raise an argument. She has recently broken her wrist and knee in a motorcycle accident so needs me to wash her hair and dress her. That has brought back some much needed intimacy. I never realised fastening a bra was a two handed job and required a knee in the back to boot 😂Hopefully we can find a way to rekindle things.