Help needed with adult bullying

[AtLeastMyCatLikesMe]

I’m part of a hobby group, which I had to leave due to the man who runs it - his behaviour made it impossible for me to keep enjoying the group and I felt he was bullying me.

I’ve now found a new group, which I’m really happy in, and had decided to move on and put it behind me, but unfortunately this guy is part of a few similar groups we did jointly and we had a wide circle of mutual friends. He has now started telling everyone in the wider circle quite serious and nasty things about me that aren’t true, and saying I can’t go to any of the other groups in the area. I’ve been excluded from events, and have been told via third parties that it would be ‘unsafe’ for me to attend events that he might be present at.

I don’t think I should have to stop going to events, but I’m now scared of what he might do. He seems quite spiteful and a bit unhinged. Is there anything I can do about this man other than continue ignoring him? Does this sound like harassment and would I be able to do anything legally?

I don’t want any contact with him, but also don’t see why I should stop going to things if I want to.

I’m really upset and stressed by this situation and appreciate any advice!

You can have a lawyer send him a cease and desist. He is slandering you, which is legally actionable. Most bullies will back off if legal action is threatened.

If you are being told it’s ’unsafe’ for you to attend. That’s a threat. Contact the police.

Seek legal advice about a court order keeping him away from you and refraining from spreading malicious lies.

Police. This is harassment.

Wouldn't be safe? Did you ask what that actually meant?

What do people think this guy is going to do to you. Decide what you're going to do next based on what he's said to other people.

I think he has bullied others who are now scared of him. I mean, why would they pass on information concerning your safety. This all seems strange. Unless you are a known kung foo fighter (or worse) which I'm sure you're not, there is no need for his behavior and the group following him. As others have said it would be great to have a warrior (you) assist in his fall from his golden perch.

Thankyou. I thought about going to the police, but didn’t know if it would just escalate things and feel scared of him, so have just been trying to keep a low profile.
I’m also not sure where to seek legal advice that wouldn’t cost a fortune.
I’ve asked for more explanation of what he’s been saying/what the actual issue is, but just get met by silence. So I’ve had a few emails and messages telling me I can’t go to certain things, but when I ask why I just don’t get any response! I’ve just basically been excluded with no explanation.
It doesn’t seem right he can do this though.
The problem is he hasn’t personally sent me these messages - they’ve come from other people saying they’re speaking on his behalf. So I don’t know if that would count as harassment by him.

Why would you want to spend time with any of these people? They are all horrendous.

The problem you are likely to have is that he isn't actually saying these things to you himself. I think I'd be inclined not to engage but to perhaps gravitate towards people you feel you can trust and tell them why you left the previous group and that the things being said are just not true. Form allies who wont listen to the crap being spread.

Yes. Who are these fuckers? The Sopranos?

Can you say a bit more about the hobby and maybe we can make some more suggestions?

@TacCat49 I’m definitely not a king fu fighter 😆
I’m a very non confrontational woman, not used to falling out with anyone at all, completely at a loss as to why this guy has so much spite towards me. He just seems unhinged. Without going into loads of background, I think he has issues with women in general. We were close friends at one point (nothing more ever) and he told me a lot of negative stuff about some of his exes which I now think was probably untrue.
I met one of them once at an event and she told me how she’d love to come back to the group we were in, but couldn’t because of him. This was years after they broke up. She seemed scared of him…

I know, I think that as well, but I’ve known some of these people for years. I can’t understand how they’re all backing him up or what he could have said about me. It’s all really upsetting.

If this hobby is part of an association (scouts, hockey, cycling) then you can contact the association safeguarding lead and make a complaint. This has to be followed up and they will have a chat with him and go from there. The police will only do anything if the threats are written down. So if the person told you via messenger, then they will do something about it but just verbal is very difficult to prove. From my experience this year of similar, but with my DC, the association safeguarding is your best route.

Thanks, I’m trying not to be too specific about the actual hobby, but some of these people do seem to be on a power trip. It’s a community based group in an area very local to me, which makes it all so much worse - bullied by friends and neighbours!
The new group I’ve joined is a lot less parochial and a much higher standard so I’m just trying to focus on enjoying that.
I’m very guarded with the new group though and feel that I don’t trust people any more.