I need rational opinions. No guilt?

[Pandasandtigers]

Name changed.

Im going to keep this as short as I can.

Met boyfriend at 20 years old. We now have 2 kids and been together 20 years.

When we was together at the 18 years mark, we was finally going to get married. We both said and planned to always marry. Upon booking the ceremony, he pulled out. My world collapsed and I was beyond devastated.

I lost my shit, my self esteem floating in the gutter, slept with the first bloke I fancied. Me and DH still lived together at this time but I made it very clear we wasn’t together. I slept with this new guy only 2-3 months after the wedding not being booked. I’m not proud.

A few months later, me and DH decided to give it another go, a fresh start. 2 years passed and still not married though. Huge row ensued that his still dragging his feet.

Been together 20 years at this point. During the argument he accused me (for the first time) of messing around with that guy. I didn’t deny it. His now furious at me, bearing in mind this was 2 years ago. As far as I’m concerned he didn’t want to marry me after 18 years of love and loyalty and we were broken up.

Now to the question…..I feel no remorse, I feel no guilt at all. In fact, I feel he deserves it after telling me he will marry me for 18 years then pulling out. Is this rational? Or am I just too far gone in the “fucked up” category now?

Rationally then, he doesn't want to marry you Op, he cried off before and now he's using the past against you even though you weren't together then. When a thing is dead it deserves a decent burial, time to end this and find another, happier life

Thank you. Absolutely time to end it. I think that’s what surprise me though, I don’t care anymore, I feel like all my energy is drained.

Is it normal to not feel guilty about what I done though? Because I really don’t at all, which is out of character for me as normally, I’m such a people pleaser. I’m just wondering if it’s ok, or if I’ve lost my marbles not feeling bad about it.

I think you ended it when you had your dalliance with the other guy. Probably time for you to both be honest with each other about the fact that neither of you are fully committed. Reminded me of Ross and Rachel when you posted... I know they ended up together, but doesn't mean it's right. If you don't feel guilty it's because things are dead in the water, sad but true.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

You need to decide, op, whether marriage is a dealbreaker for you or not. If not, then move on and enjoy your lives together as they are, but otherwise call it a day and move on without him. You deserve better than to live on half-promises & guilt-tripping.

Clearly not devastated at all.

I committed a similar offence OP, before the end of my marriage. Zero guilt and will never regret it! To me it's a sign that it was beyond over, there was nothing to lose!