I've posted about both DH and DM but think it went on too long, I've separated the DM stuff. Me and DH have been married for 8 years with 5DC (my DC - DD19,DD17,DD15 + DS7, DD4). DH has a history of depression and anxiety for which he took medication. A year after marrying had a mental health crisis spanning around 2 years and lost his job. Now he is a lot better and has worked to come off his medication and improve his lifestyle. Currently job hunting.
My DM loves me very much but can be overbearing at times, no one is up to standard for me. My exH she tolerated but when we split told me how relieved she was and we should’ve split sooner. She thought he was a gambling addict (he wasn’t), lazy and lacked ambition. She initially liked my 2nd DH but when she found out he took anti-depressants and he had his breakdown, her opinion soured. DM doesn’t believe in medication for mental health, it should be addressed through your own self and counselling (the one thing my DH didn't want to do). I knew she wasn’t keen but didn’t realise to what extent. She talks about him constantly to the older 3 DC in a derogatory fashion. This has been going on for years. She’s also convinced he’s an alcoholic. He does drink and in the past I would say he has drank in the evenings to get himself to sleep, which is unhealthy. But part of weaning off his meds and getting healthier he knocked it on the head, DM knows this. She thinks it's all lies, he just hides it. She’s been asking the older children to report back anything regarding DH, as a result DS15 recorded a recent argument to send to his GM. He tells me he did it to please her.
This is just too much of an invasion of my privacy, this is my personal business and I’m upset she’s involved herself to this extent.
I then found out that DM has told the older children that DH must be hiding alcohol and drugs in his bags around the house, they should look for it. This is crazy, the older 2 laugh it off but DS15 takes it all on board.
I spoke with DM, told her that I was upset that my personal business was being discussed. She said it was because I didn’t confide in her enough but I am a private person. I don’t like discussing relationships with my DM, I never have. She said DH doesn’t speak to her when she comes round. I said it’s unsurprising he’s quiet around her, she doesn’t hide the fact she can’t stand him. She said DH is a narcissistic, psychopathic, alcoholic. I said he’s got any number of faults you could pick on, you don’t have to invent things. She believes i’m defending him.
I said she needed to stop talking to older kids about DH and I knew she’d asked the to search for drink and drugs. She then flipped out! Said that neither me nor the children were welcome at her house anymore!!
This was followed by a text saying “congratulations, DH has finally got what he always wanted”
This couldn’t be further from the truth, DH has never interfered with my relationship with my parents, it’s not his place.
I can’t believe this is how she’s been thinking for years! It explains my older DSs behaviour of late. She is fixated on DH and I really don't understand why?
She will calm down and want to make amends and say it's all done out of love and concern for me. However, she won't recognise how poisonous her behaviour has been and it's all so wildly off the mark!