Am I stupid for being upset/unsettled by this?

[AlwaysTheGirlfriend]

DP and I have been together for just over 3 years now. We love each other to pieces and although we have had our share of problems, we have a really good relationship. From the beginning, he's always said he's against marriage - it's not in his religion (athiest ) - and so therefore he thinks he would be lying when he stood in church and swore before god that he would honour his vows etc. I laughed it off and thought "fine, it's early days, it's not an issue right now". But over 3 years later, he's still sticking by what he said. Even though he managed to give his sister away a year ago at her wedding.. hmm.

We've just got back from a weeks getaway with his family, and when I went into town with his sister, we saw a wedding dress shop and she mentioned it (jokingly) to DP when we got back that she didn't want to be a bridesmaid at 40 so he better hurry up and make an honest woman of me. Then his mum started, and we were laughing so he knew it was said in jest. But he got quite defensive and stroppy - we dropped it.

So, am I being stupid for feeling rather unsettled that this man - who right now, I could easily spend the rest of my days with - is quite happy to sit back and assume that I want to be someones girlfriend, and call someone my boyfriend, when i'm 45? I don't just want a wedding, I want the security that comes with being married in the future, especially for our children.

I sort of feel like this is it, this is the best it's going to get. We have nothing to work towards together as a couple. We're just supposed to plod along being boyfriend and girlfriend for god knows how long.

I don't know if I want advice, it was more of a rant but if anyone has any, it would be appreciated x

I will probably be slagged off for saying so, but you have changed the goal posts half-way through the game, I feel. He always told you he didn't want to get married, but you obviously thought he would change his mind and have ended up deceiving yourself.
This doesn't mean I don't have any sympathy for you. I do. I had six children and desperately wanted to marry my partner of 10 years. Eventually, I practically forced him into it, and we split up 4 years later. Wanting to get married was a sign of my insecurity in the relationship, because I knew deep down that xh was not as commited to the relationship as I was.
If you are certain that your dp is as commited to the relationship as you are, surely his wishes should be valid, especially as you took him on knowing what they are?

I'm just trying to get you to see it from both sides. It doesn't mean I think you are wrong.
It can cause all sorts of difficulties legally, though. My friend's dw recently died, and they weren't married. He's had to go to court and all sorts just to prove his son is his son, even though the birth certificate clearly states that anyway.

Of course she wasn't his dw, she was his dp - they weren't married duh

For me the biggest commitment is having chidren together.

Getting married is something we've chosen to do after 10 years because we want to and it will help legally and because we want to celebrate our relationship and family.

We are both staunch atheists btw.

If you feel stringly about being married (for legal or other reasons) it is definitely important to state your case to him. My dp and I both had a fairly wooley objection to marriage along the lines of bah humbug that blasted religion and state controls grumble grumble, but on closer examination we realised we could get married on our own terms to our own meaning for our own gains.

SO we're are signing a contract that ensures that if one of us needs medical treatment or dies or is incapacitated the other has some rights of decision. At the same time we will be celebrating our relationship of 10 years with our family and mates with a party at our home. (Obviously no gown or favours or reception as such )

Yes, looking at it as a contract rather than a marriage is a better pov if you are not religious. Nice way of looking at / doing things Slur.