I feel dehumanised! I posted before but he’s still berating me for saying my feelings, for raising my voice sometimes not shouting ! I raised my voice over extremely difficult conversations with him as I’m extremely distressed but only raising my voice slightly he often doesn’t listen! I try so hard not to say i feelings but we have regular discussions as I say I can’t live in a loveless sexless marriage I said it’s traumatising me! He said he can’t afford to move out! He’s not getting sex from else where he’s a sexual I’m the one who’s suggested it in the past I don’t anymore! He says he understands then said “you say your feelings “ but I’m trying to discuss where we go from here! He won’t leave he won’t let me have dd he only says if we spit up he wants to sell the house! I’ve had many discussions with me saying I want our marriage back! I keep trying with him he says I can’t have dd full as I was sectioned, it wasn’t my fault I had ticks like Tourettes and I was crying from severe circulation issues and I thought I was going to die from severe pain I went to a&e for both the pain and ticks they did nothing the mental health nurses mocked by feelings they just wanted to section me! I developed ticks from the cocktail of medication s I was on for sleep! They sectioned me twice for having severe ticks ! Which was unfair they gave me enormous amounts of more medication in the ward till my neck swelled and I couldn’t talk!! After they let me home he said life was better without me! He saw a female friend all the time! He blames me for the last two years! I’ve tried so hard to get on with him and just be a good wife for years he says he understands then doesn’t ! I’ve tried giving him loads of space I’m the one making all the effort in the marriage! I know it’s dead it’s so hard after 23 years to let go. He said sorry for grabbing me that time ,he said he didn’t mean too! He’s says he’s depressed so I suggested antidepressants I tried to help him I’m a naturally caring person I’ve always listen supported him shown I care! He recently said it’s the Axx my name show this angered me I was just saying I can’t live like this be unloved no touching or made to feel special he mentioned splitting up again we said before see how it goes we had been getting on ! I discussed how hard I find this situation as he is holding me to ransom as he keeps saying he had no feelings so me but he dose nothing about it ! Either way!! I explained how this makes me feel how upsetting it is he agrees but dose nothing about either leaving or making an effort to make the marriage work! He said it’s all about you I only explained how I can’t live like this ! I feel I’m trauma bonded so im trying so spend time on myself trying to lose weight get a job the council won’t house me as I have a mortgage! So I try to just get on with him as friends! We had been getting on a lot better for months then he suddenly tried so mention separation I was shocked I tried not to show my feelings as he berates me for it but he says his feelings lots! He’s amazing to everyone else he shows me his worst side then blames me I’m trying to reach out for support I just want to feel loved by a man ! I’m sick of him berating me! He has threatened to chuck me out the house! My mums still says she’s not having me back she keeps saying that! I went to a friends house recently told her everything she had a go at him called him a narcissist cxnt ! He went off with dd I went out for a walk I locked myself out he blocked me he said the marriage was over as I’d spoken to this friend she’s had a go at him before for the way he treats me! I phoned the police as I was locked out for hours I couldn’t get a taxi to my mums , they said it wasn’t normal him trying to end the marriage cause I saw her and he doesn’t like her and I went to her house! They said it was cohesive control!? I had to brake into my own house but still couldn’t get in so I went to our friends house he said I could stay the night but he didn’t want to get involved but his wife was nice! Why dose he berate me for saying my feelings lots when I’m only trying to work out this situation as it can’t continue, woman’s aid wasn’t very nice ! I phoned the helplines lots they say what would I like to happen!? Well I have no control over that I can’t make him have feelings for me he’s blames me for everything over the last 23 years or any time I show emotion or cry he rarely shows empathy! Even when he’s says he understands he doesn’t really! I’m feeling traumatised so I’m trying again to get therapy I’m trying to get my confidence back! Hes destroyed it! Sorry for long rant! I’m trying my best to be a good mother I m not bending over backwards for him cause it doesn’t work he finds something else he doesn’t like about me I’m just trying so hard to build myself up but it’s hard so hard when he’s in the house all the time! If anyone understands please reply I just feel lonely broken he’s not slamming the door in my face anymore but I feel scared! I had a go at him I stood up for myself for the nasty names he called me and for trying to threaten to chuck me out my house! me out he said I was mentally unstable but I wasn’t I had had enough of him treating like shit ! He steam rollers me I feel ! He very good at convincing other people it’s all me! When all I’ve ever done is to allways be a good wife friend! I was on the phone to a helpline once he heard it said I was mentally ill as I said I was upset by him he gets in my face ! Why did I get a mortgage with him he convinced me things would be great! He was nice to me for months! My mum encouraged me to stay ! I tried to leave before but I couldn’t get the place was too far I couldn’t get there it was a hostel! A support group dv said I could take the rough with the smooth!? This wasn’t helpful! A few ladies have said not to wind him up not to let him upset me! But it was upsetting he was nasty ! The council at the last house wouldn’t house me either didn’t matter what I said the lady was cold and uncaring! Why is he lovely dose anything to other people but not me anymore why did he turned nasty after me having severe life threatening allergies!? He convinces other people including my mum I’m the problem! Dose he sound like a narcissist!? I tried joining women’s aid forum but it doesn’t work!? Please understand I don’t know what to do anymore tried everything under the sun I give up!? I’m obese I’m scared on one else will want me I have a huge belly and double chin ! I know I have a lot to offers someone else if and when we split and I try hard to be a good mother! So sorry for long rant just need to vent I need a voice he’s taken it away !