Mental health

[brother]

Hi,
I started off writing a very in depth review of this topic and just as I was about to hit post it just disappeared! So annoyed as I'd spent so much time and thought into writing it. Does anyone know why this happens?
So here goes again...
I am mid 30's moved back in with my mum recently after a break up. It works for us as she's widowed and I'd rather pay her than pay rent anywhere else.
Anyway, I have an older brother in his 50's. Never really worked and always blames everyone else for why he's not able to get or hold down a job. Most recently, he's said he worked two jobs but they're refusing to pay him so he's broke. My mum bails him out for his household bills but when she asks him if he's spoken to the bank or his employer who was supposed to pay him he's fobbed her off and she totally idolises him so will believe anything he says.
I know he's lying to her. I know he has mental health issues. I've tried to help him on so many occasions.
Last weekend he turned up drunk and totally delirious. Saying he needed to sleep as he hasn't eaten for three days. Of course we offer food and drinks. He won't take them.
He's in the garden screaming and moaning that he's suffering. I'm so scared as I've never seen anything like this and saying to my mum we need to ask for help as this is really bad. But she won't. It's her son etc.
So, I thought maybe mum knows best and I'll give some space.
I had to work all the following week so I thought I'd just leave them to it.
Until, every hour on the hour or even perhaps more frequently he was up, down, in and out pacing around and waking me up at 4/4.30am when I had to be up at 5.15 for work.
He also stole, and I say stole because he didn't ask.. two bottles of my wine which I was saving.
I just cannot live like this. I know the only option is to move out which I actually am considering and could afford but I know with my mum being an older lady. She's not senile or anything but she'd be lonely and totally sucked in by my user of a bother I worry for her!

You're enabling her, by keeping her company yourself she doesn't have to do anything to combat her loneliness. She should be joining hobby groups, social groups, going to church, whatever her thing is she should be doing it to make social connections to ease her loneliness. That's her taking responsibility for her own behaviour.

I'd contact someone about your brother. He's obviously an alcoholic. Your mum may have old fashioned views but nothing will happen to him if he asks for help, he'll just he helped. Trouble is, he doesn't want help, does he? He just wants to sponge off others and remain addicted. I know there isn't a lot of MH help out there and people have to learn to live with their conditions, but the one thing there is freely on offer is medication. There's no excuse for "self medicating" as the addicts call it. He won't get help for his MH because the first thing they'll do is tell him to quit drinking and he doesn't want to.

It doesn't sound abusive (yet). Your mum's sane, is choosing to believe him even though what she's seeing and hearing don't match up, and is choosing to enable him. That's her choice.

You need to exercise yours by getting out of there. Flat share with some nicer people who aren't addicts and you'll have a better life. You can still keep an eye on your mum, visit her regularly and call her up.

If you're concerned about your brother you could call police next time he's outside the home. They'll maybe arrest him under the MH act and he'll be taken somewhere for observation, where they'll discover he's fine sober and not ill at all, an addict and now in withdrawal or someone who needs a change of MH meds etc and it'll be on his medical records so at least people treating him in future will be aware of the situation (most alcoholics aren't volunteering that information). Has he lost his home as well as his jobs? As a single man he's very little chance of being housed by the council, stretched as they are, but if he's getting into trouble with police that changes things and you'll find that where there's previously been no help suddenly there is some. He still has to engage with it though and do the work to sort his life out.

@Amazinggrace842 thank you so much for your very thoughtful and sensible advice. All of what you said is absolutely true.
He hasn't lost his home. He's actually very lucky that we have a family friend whom he's known for 35 years and who is his best friend who has always offered him a home. He just doesn't want to live there anymore for whatever reason. I don't know why. The friend is a brilliant, kind person with a 5 bedroom house.
I guess mental health has no logical reasoning. He wants to be with our mum. Sad situation. She will never turn him away. So I guess I know I'll have to go. Shame, as I do love my brother but he's impossible (to me) to live with.