Compatibility vs Compromise

[fireworkkinder]

Well just that really… Which things do you feel constitute as “we aren’t compatible” and which things should you look to compromise on and make an effort with?

Myself and DP have been together 8 years and this past year I feel as though we are growing further and further apart. I’m aware I can be quite idealistic and believe when we don’t align on something then we “just aren’t meant to be”. I feel silly throwing away the whole relationship but how much change, effort and compromise do you make before you feel like you aren’t really yourself anymore?

Are you happy, or not?
Not compatible means he makes you unhappy.
Compromise is what everyone does in a relationship.
If you're unhappy, go.

Not at the moment, but there have been many many happy times. It’s hard to gauge for me as I am very quick to give up by default (I assume something a therapist would love to unpack). For example, if I have a bad day at work my first response is to look for a new job, sometimes whilst sat at my desk. A few days go by, that feeling passes and I am happy again and forget all about it.

@fireworkkinder how much change, effort and compromise do you make before you feel like you aren’t really yourself anymore?

I think the answer is sort of contained within your question, OP - when the changes, efforts and compromises are so significant that you aren't really yourself anymore is when you're not compatible.

For everyone, there are "non-negotiables." E.g., I want to live in a city/the country, I want a big/small family, I like structure/spontaneity, I like privacy/big get-togethers - fill in the blanks.

Only you know what your non-negotiables are.