Looking for some advice as I am lost….
I am a 44-year-old single father raising my six year old son, more or less alone.
My son’s mother and I divorced more than two years ago, after being together for almost 18 years.
Despite planning to have kids, almost immediately after he was born she showed little interest in caring for or raising him – which continues to this day.
I have been lucky enough to have a well-paying work from home job which has allowed me to be the sole breadwinner and take full care of my son. When the COVID lockdowns happened early in my son’s life it normalised this situation.
When it was time for preschool and playgroups I was the only one who ever set foot in the place as she had no interest.
Eventually after several attempts at therapy (she mostly refused to go), and the financial pressures of raising a child on one income and my ex spending a minimum 6 days a week in the pub, and it all came to a head, and we divorced.
It later transpired (not surprisingly in retrospect) that she had been having an affair for 2+ years.
Having spent 12+ months in therapy, I now have a good grasp on things and am in an excellent place mentally.
Currently my son spends 6 or 7 days a week with me (depending on ex’s interest levels), in the family home (I bought her share off her as part of divorce).
Despite his life being unusual and somewhat chaotic, my son is growing up to be a happy, healthy, polite, confident and well-adjusted young man, whom I am very proud of.
I am very conscious of my son always being in the care of someone who also wants him to be there. If his mother would rather be out partying and says she cannot take him on a prearrange day, I will always ensure he is in his home and feels loved. I feel if I push back and say “its your turn”, he will end up being around someone who doesn’t really want him there. And that is not healthy for an environment for a child, for any length of time.
I have only a few friends, but many dissipated with the behaviour of my ex and as I was consumed with raising my son, I lost touch with many others.
For the most part I am flat out busy working, doing school drop offs and collection and organised kids sport, but, for a couple of hours each evening and one day a week or fortnight, it can be agonisingly lonely be me…
Which brings me to my question… what do I do with my personal life?
I guess I am here because I think that there are probably more women who have been in my position - raising a child/children on your own. For those in a similar position out there, what did you find that worked for you?
Am I wasting my time even bothering to look for anyone at this stage of my life? Should I just accept that it will be much of the same for the next 8-10 years and then try figuring it out then?
I don’t have any social media and I haven’t been single since the early 2000s….I haven’t a clue what to do.
Thank you to anyone who bothered to read all that….