Fuming at ex partner

[Moonchild5]

I just need somewhere to vent as I don’t want to go on about it anymore with my friends & family but I’m so annoyed.
I split up from my ex partner about 2 months ago(we have a 1 year old) at the start of the relationship we would go on days out/car journeys without me having to plan anything then towards the end we never went anywhere or done anything in about 2 years. He would always say he’s busy working, stressed, tired etc so doesn’t have time to plan or doesn’t think of planning days out & I was to arrange everything & he would pay but I’m not the type of person to say right I’m going to book the zoo can you send me £50. He had plenty time to like girls photos, play games on his phone & take drugs.
He’s now seeing someone else & just took her to the beach & a big walk round a castle etc. I kept saying to him after our daughter was born we’ll need to get out & do stuff & he always said we’ll wait until she’s a bit bigger or when I’ve stopped breastfeeding(he hates me breastfeeding for some weird reason) I’d ask him to go a walk on a nice night & he would say either it’s too late or say if you would’ve asked me earlier I would’ve. He lives a 3 hour drive away now he never seen his daughter for a month as of a few weeks ago but he’s had to drive 3 hours to near where I am & pick her up but never popped in to see his daughter. Moans that he hardly sees her cos he works away & keeps threatening me with court but hardly sees her anyway & can find time to take her places & is perfectly able to plan something for someone else I’m just fuming.
We were supposed to go see Michael McIntyre a few months ago he bought tickets last year it was meant to be a surprise but we had been arguing so his mum ended up telling me about it at Christmas. I didn’t let on that I knew. He never even invited me or even mentioned it then got ready to leave the house one night & said I’m away to see Michael McIntyre. He sent me a picture of the place when he was there & said find stuff to do for us at the weekends cos we could’ve been here together. We ended up arguing about it told him you didn’t even invite me & he said well I’ve been enjoying doing stuff myself recently so I just thought I’d go myself but had the tickets for over 6 months & didn’t invite me to begin with. This escalated & ended up arguing for a few weeks which brought our relationship to an end but I’m starting to think he took either this girl or someone else. Everywhere he would go he would leave long before he had to be somewhere & say things like I know it’s early just incase there’s traffic etc.
He’s very sly & clever I’ve never found obvious evidence of him cheating but I think he cheated on me the whole 4 years I just can’t prove it

Are you upset that he didn’t take you out?

or are you upset that he:
was using drugs
cheated
shamed you for breastfeeding
and isn’t an involved parent

the former is childish. The later is totally justified.

it’s perfectly normal to be exhausted and go through lifestyle changes when you have a baby or toddler. Your ex has walked away from parenting so of course he is back to loving the carefree lifestyle of someone who doesn’t have the daily burden of raising a child. He has the time and energy to do whatever he wants again because he walked away from his responsibilities.

He wasn’t exhausted from parenting he’s never even changed her bum & was like that before I had her. I’m annoyed at the latter obviously but yes I’m annoyed he didn’t want to go anywhere with me but will take someone else places

You should be thanking your lucky stars you're not still stuck with him.

He is treating her the way you describe him treating you in the beginning so it's reasonable to assume he'll end up treating her how he ended up treating you.

He's no prize and no great loss to you either. It's a shame he's a shit father too.

True! It’s just frustrating especially the fact that time he spent with her he could’ve spent with his daughter

He sounds like a complete douche OP but you chose to stay with him and get treated like that. Perhaps that's something to think about rather than waste your time thinking about how he treats the next sucker.

Advice: Shut up.

What i mean by that is. Stop arguing with stupid. He's a clear class A twat, and you're arguing with him as though stupid is going to understand you. Stupid doesn't care what you think, because he's stupid.

Every time you react and get upset, stupid gets a lovely ego boost knowing that he's affecting you so much. His mind is "awww she's bothered by it, i can get to her, i can fuck up her day".

So shut up (meant nicely not horribly).

You tell him that if he wants to see his daughter, then sort it out and come and see her. I'd be dragging HIM through court for custody which I'd say is slightly more pressing than Michael McIntyre.

Yes he's taking his new cheap bit on the side out and about, how else is a guy gonna get laid?

One thing i've learned about guys like this though is that when they're like it with you, they'll definitely revert to type after the honeymoon period is over with anyone else. Bet on it.

Focus on yourself and your child, leave stupid to do as stupid does. Your child should be your priority, not arguing with your piece of shit ex.

I was to scared leave or it was difficult trying to get HIM to leave MY house he made it very difficult. The times I did ask him to leave I would come home to find him sat watching tv. I’ve not wanted to be with him for a long time it’s as easy as that when someone is intimidating you

You didn't say in your OP that he was abusive and had been intimidating you. If you've finally got rid off him, then be glad he's someone else's problem.

Download a co parenting app to communicate with him regarding your daughter. I'd block him from my phone and social media. But from what you say, he doesn't want to see her anyway. I'd be glad he's moved three hours away, not fuming.

Have you heard of the Freedom Programme? You can find it online, it helps you make better choices regarding relationships. You could also phone your local domestic abuse organisation and see if they offer counselling or know of inexpensive counselling in the area to help you work through this.

I would do my best to put him out of your mind and focus on your daughter. Put in a claim for CMS if you haven't already.

Yeah I didn’t find it relevant to add in the post since we’re not together anymore. Just annoyed the things I asked for he can magically give to her but not me & the fact he wants to go to court & is “sad” he can’t see his daughter more but can see her it’s just frustrating it makes me want to scream just everything I’ve been through etc & also said he’d “hurt” any of my future boyfriends he’s walking contradiction

So he's making threats? Keep all messages where he makes threats and start a diary of any harassment. He's three hours away OP so how is he realistically going to know anything about your life if you don't tell him and he's blocked on social media?

He said it in person when we were together. After every argument he would delete his texts on my phone but the texts I do have is mainly him calling me names

THIS

He sounds like a complete loser to be honest. Just be glad you are rid of him and you can enjoy life with your dd.

He won't take you to court, that sort never do. It's all talk and hot air. He's moved hours away, not the actions of a devoted father.

Forget he exists and plan lovely summer outings with your baby in comfort. Breastfeed her on a beach, on a boat, on the side of Loch Ness, on the ridgeway in the sunshine- all things you couldn't do before. Have a fabulous time 😎

I’m not currently arguing with him haven’t since we split up apart from one brief argument. I haven’t said anything to him about what I’ve seen regarding taking his new gf to the beach although he’ll know I’ve seen the post. I don’t plan on saying anything. I hold A LOT in but people like him want a reaction & it would just be him showing everyone my messages saying see I told you she was crazy etc so I am SCREAMING inside. I’m actually ill with stress just now. I’m so drained

His never taking you out and messing up with the McIntyre tickets is a good thing. It meant you got rid of him sooner.

Otherwise you might still be with him, worrying about him cheating and walking on eggshells around him.

So there’s no point fuming - he’s done you a favour. When you get rid of a cockroach, you don’t care about being more alone in the house. He’s the cockroach.

You're no longer in a relationship with this man - stop wasting your energy obsessing about all the shitty things he's done. You and your DD are better off without him. He might be off doing things with his new girlfriend but when the novelty has worn off, he will treat her the same as he's treated you. A leopard doesn't change it's spots. He is not your problem now. Put him out of your mind and get on with your life.

He sounds like a total arsehat! Sorry you’ve had to put up with this absolutely c*ck-womble!

It must suck seeing him treat this new girl better than you and his own daughter. He’s definitely going to stop putting any effort in once he gets ‘comfortable’ enough. Sounds pretty crap actually, only wanting to go out to impress others and spending the rest of your time sitting alone, taking drugs and playing games on your phone (“Dear lord, what a sad little life Jane”)

I feel a bit sorry for the p!ssflap - he is going to miss out on so much by not showing up for your daughter! Even if he eventually comes to his senses, these first years will go by so fast and won’t get to have them back! He’ll miss out on all those ‘firsts.’

I am sorry you have been left to parent solo. I hope you have got a decent support network around you!

Stop looking at his social media. That's called pain shopping. All it does is cause you more hurt and keep him in your head. You need to get all possible vestiges of him out of your life. No more texting, no more SM and no conversations in person. Create a special email for him to contact you when he wants to see the child. That way you won't be disturbed by texts and can open it only when you are feeling strong. Give him the email, then block his number.
Keep all the emails he sends you as evidence.
If you can prove he hardly ever sees the child you might be able to get the custody agreement amended. So document absolutely everything.
Google grey rock technique for the times you absolutely have to see him in person.

I don’t really apart from my gran & grandad but she’s getting on a bit now & looking after my nearly 16 year old sister & stays miles away. She phones my grandad when I’m ill or stressed & gets him to come check on me & comes in for a coffee but he broke his hip & has cancer. There’s a few people I keep in contact with through texting but no real support.

We normally FaceTime at night so he can say goodnight to his daughter I imagine he’ll kick up a stink if I stop that & say I’m stopping him from seeing her

Set up the FaceTime for your daughter and step out of the room so he can't talk to you.

I couldn’t do that she’s only 1 but I keep the camera on her