No proposal - legal documents in lieu

[insomniacdreams]

There was another thread that got me thinking. We’re coming up to our 15 year anniversary. We aren’t married and there has been no effort whatsoever to propose or get married. I have made it clear it is extremely important to me and that I expect it from approx year 8 in our relationship onwards.

The mortgage is in both our names and we have a contract to this effect too with it representing what each of us owns in the property. I have booked a consultation with a solicitor about the additional documentation needed to provide something similar to a marriage (although I’m fully aware that this still isn’t the same). Apart from a Will and any other of next of kin status is there anything else that I should be requesting?

Ultimately this is likely to be just as, if not more expensive as a marriage licence but I’ll let him figure that one out.

Pensions, life insurance, LPA..

How are your finances? Separate or joint?
Might want something around a cohabitation agreement and relating to finances, but if it's not to his advantage no reason why he'd sign it. So it would be better to ensure that you have adequate savings, investments and pensions in your own name.

Are you named beneficiaries on each others pensions and death in service benefits?

Are you of an age where getting lasting powers of attorney (there are two, one for health and welfare, and one for finances) might be useful to you?

Do a civil partnership?

More importantly than the mortgage, are you on the deeds?
A boyfriend contract can't come close to the rights and protections that a marriage contract provide. See the link for everything you're missing out on.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Is inheritance tax likely to be an issue for you? That's what seems to galvanise some older unmarried couples into finally getting married or getting a civil partnership. It makes an enormous difference to the IHT payable if you happen to own a property in London, for example.

I don't really understand waiting for a proposal, especially after all this time. Can't you just have a conversation about it and ask what's stopping you getting this important bit of life admin sorted out?

Sounds like you need a civil partnership. That's what we did.

The problem is whatever you put in place through a lawyer can easily be undone and he won't need your agreement to end those things or change his will. A civil partnership sounds like a better option.

If inheritance tax will be an issue you need to get married.

Wills and LPA are the two important ones, plus nominating each other as pension beneficiaries.

But remember those can be undone at the stroke of a pen.

You cannot replicate IHT exemption.

NOK in this country is pretty nebulous, so I wouldn't worry too much about that here, but might be an issue overseas in countries that grown on unmarried cohabitation. But I don't think there's anything you can do about that (other than avoid incidents and illnesses on holiday)

If you want enduring, binding obligations to each other, then it has to be marriage or CP.

IHT makes a huge impact full stop.

And it's absolutely the reason we married after 8 years together.

Honestly I'd be looking to separate myself completely and find someone who cares about what is important to
me. You made it clear 15 years ago that you expected to be married by year 8 and that this was important to you. And yet you aren't.

Really appreciate all your helpful posts. Thank you!

I hadn’t considered inheritance tax. Thank you for raising. I will consider civil partnership and discuss this.

To the poster who asked about deeds, yes I am on the deeds and all other related paper work and we had a contract in place, I can’t remember the name of the contract (will dig it out) so pretty confident that is covered off.

@helpfulperson trust me I’m starting to consider it!

I’d not considered NOK. I’ll look into this in more detail. Thank you.

Apologies, I missed the finance questions. We have a joint account for all shared expenses but our finances are kept separate apart from that. The joint account is for bills etc

I have made it clear it is extremely important to me and that I expect it from approx year 8 in our relationship onwards.

You haven't really made it clear, because whatever you've said, you've stuck around for 15 years without getting married, so clearly it's not important at all, never mind extremely. Actions speak louder than words etc. If you want to get married, take the lead and get to a registry office asap. You're waaaay past the charade of romantic proposals by this point.

@pinkdelight thanks for you response.

I think you misread. I don’t want a proposal. I’m looking for legal advice. Luckily I’ve had that from posters.

It's the main reason we married after over 30 years together!

I know which thread you've been reading! You've already had some great advice from the pp on this thread, but I just wanted to say good on you for tackling this head on. At least you'll know that you have as much protection as possible going forward. If I were you, I'd make sure your dp came along to the solicitors too. Good luck 👍

IHT is only an issue if you each have an estate worth more than £325k.

Do if your house is worth £400K , £200k each as Tenants in Common, you can each pass on another £125k in cash , investments etc.

Money in your pension and passed to your named beneficiary does not count as part of your estate for IHT purposes. So you could leave house share plus savings up to £325k and another £100k remaining in your pension pot (defined contribution). However if you die after 75 it would be taxed as income at your usual rate. Likely to be much lower than IHT . Which is why money saved into a pension is a good way to leave money.