Hiya,
Hope you're alright.
I'm here to ask for some ideas and support.
Long story short, I've been stuck in a relationship with a narcissist for 14 years.
Somehow it's just now that social media made me realise he's a narcissist (otherwise I'm trauma bonded and the highs and lows used to make me think he'll change one day), and somehow NOW I'm so fed up and worn out that I want to be out of this relationship.
He ticks all the boxes (from verbal and physical abuse to gaslighting, cheating, being a pathological liar to silent treatment and full financial control, he stood me up when I was sick, gave birth, ruining all special occassions amd making our life revolve around him ...even the food we eat must be prepared on daily basis and we all have no choice - he likes only the food from his country...and I'm basically a servant and a live in maid; if I try to oppose or have no time, he'd just lash out until he gets what he wants).
But there are many things that keep me stuck...
Kids. I don't want to lose them. They're my life.
I'm financially controlled by him. Have no savings, money of my own and as of now, I'm a SAHM (I'm a teacher, but don't work now).
He used to keep me on no money at all or just some to buy food.
I have a baby and other kids with him and he always claims he'd take them away from me if I dare leave.
He's all over the Internet on dating apps.
He made sure I'm cut off from family and friends and have nobody to support me and help me (even talk to me).
We live in a different country and he made sure my family has no access to me now.
I have no idea how to even plan leaving him.
He calls me bad names and emphasises he hates me and doesn't want to be with me, but when I ask for divorce, he doesn't want to give it to me either.
I'm desperate to plan my "escape", but how to start in my situation?
Have nowhere to go, nobody to talk to. No job, no cash...
How to regain control over things with a baby in my hands 24/7, chores and looking after older kids?😶
Maybe it's just wishful thinking that I can get my life back, be happy, go back to work or rest...
I used to be a happy person. Very active.
Now I'm miserable....