Emotional affair , out comes when partner leave you for another.

[elderqueen]

My partner of 7.5 years said he did not want to be with me any more and moved out a week and a half ago. Then I found out that he is very attracted to a girl who lived on our field, ( I have now asked her to leave and shes gone a few days now) They have been talking a lot, she's always made a bee line for him/ been flirty and he taken her to view/buy a new car and many other things. I've repeatedly expressed I feel uncomfortable about her and he's said he doesnot have any feeling for her. Turns our this is not true, as I saw a message to her on his phone. I don't think any thing physical has happened between them yet , but they've both told each other they are attracted to each other. He's saying he doesnot love me any more ,He wants someone who matches his vitality. She 31 he's 49 I'm 55. I love him and just want him back. I was in so much agony , sadness, grief, hurt and shock last week I could hardly eat or sleep for 7 days getting a bit better now. My Question is When your partner leaves you for something better, how did it turn out for them in the end with the greener grass.

Then I found out that he is very attracted to a girl who lived on our field, ( I have now asked her to leave and shes gone a few days now)

he was attracted to her
and you have asked her to leave
and she live there?

nice

You had a woman living in your field?!

I don't think there's anything you can do except assure yourself it was a luck escape.

There are honest men out there.

h have you posted about this very recently? being heartbroken? he was 48 and op was 58 though

It normally works out well for them, no point in me telling you something that’s not true, best to brace yourself now. Them being together isn’t the problem, the problem is them not working out, him coming crawling back and you not having enough strength to say no, then months later being hurt all over again.

Most breakups hurt, it’s shit you’re going through it, wishing you strength.

I am confused about where this woman lived?

Men are weak beings. The power of the flesh overpowers much. It may work out; it may not; but you are no less a person one way or the other. Tell him to buzz off and replan your life. (And I am 58 not so young, but I have finally realised that happiness is definitely not dependent on a man, and many of them seem to be seduced by sins of the flesh around this age!)

Has he been dishonest @LiterallyOnFire ? Yes maybe he denied his feelings at the start but once he had made up his mind he told OP. That’s kind of the way it goes?

anyway, OP am so sorry for you. That is shit, esp that he left for someone so young. He will get karma. There is a fallacy that being with young ppl makes you feel young. It does not, it makes you feel old. So he will always be worried and paranoid about the fact she is so much younger and I expect he’ll want you back.

When mine left me for someone else, he realised quick smart and in a hurry the OW was no better. He dumped OW & came crawling back about 2 months later

I was assuming a static caravan or similar. Might be wrong tho.
Either way op, he’s left you, and that’s fucking shit and so so painful and I don’t doubt for a second it feels like your world is crashing down around your ears. He may end up living happily ever after with this woman, but I very much doubt it. A relationship built on a foundation of deceit isn’t a relationship I’d want.

He hasn't left you for someone better. He's left you for someone else. There's no rules for how it works out when people exchange one relationship for another. Depends on how suited they are to the new person. For what it's worth, at 31 she may get fed up with a man pushing 50 sooner rather than later. Because he might think she matches his vitality but he's deluded to think his will match hers.

It might work. 18 years is a big difference. When she’s 49 he’ll be 67. But until then, I’m afraid that it might well suit them both. You really are better off without him, though I feel your anguish

I really love my partner( ex) and think he is awsome in so many ways. I think he's having a mid life crisis. Hes got a lot of Trauma . I just want him back and to have another go . We own a land project together I adore it, Im just hanging on hoping he will remember he loves me. I'm trying no contact it's soo hard. I'm so distraught and in pieces over this . It was such a shock I had not seem this all coming. I wish he could have spoken before.
To clarify he says re his feeling for girl he says this was just the catalyst, the real reason he was finishing with me was because he had been unhappy for some time. He's saying he not ready to start something with Rebecca yet but I not sure if this is entirely true because I know they have started talking on phone and connecting more. Thats what i found out about 5 days ago could have progressed since then.

Whatever anyone says on here relationships born of affairs are UNLIKELY to survive. The stats are pretty consistent that it’s between 3-5% lasting for over five years.

We all know of a couple/couples who survive after having an affair but we often don’t know of the sheer number that fail because of the secretive nature of them.

So with those odds and that age gap I’d say survival of their relationship although not impossible is unlikely BUT…

What is more likely is that before they end you stop wanting this waste of space anyway because by then he will be knocked off the clear pedestal you have put him on.

The reasons for his affair are not a mid life crisis OR mental health problems they are pure selfishness and entitlement that meant his desire for validation from OW came before his need to keep you safe from the fallout of his actions. The narrative about being unhappy is a standard way cheats justify their affairs and make sure they hold onto the idea they are ‘good people’ at heart. It doesn’t work if cheats think ‘I was really happy but something shinier and more novel came along SO i decided to see where that landed and devastate my long term partner’.

Let this one go. No contact and concentrate on healing. Get a copy of ‘leave a cheater gain a life’ and start to recognise that he has inherent traits that meant this was always a possible outcome.

Sweetheart you can do better! You deserve better.

Thanks for your reply actaully it seems out of character, I always thought he was straightforward.

Oh he’s been unhappy for a while, of course. Classic line. As is, nothings happened (yet!) with the other woman. He’s a liar, don’t do yourself the disservice of believing him. This is a horrible time for you, and nothing much anyone can say will help that. It’s a bit of a cliché and it’s probably not even what you want to hear to be honest, but this too shall pass. Break ups are always hideous in the moment but it won’t hurt forever. Another cliché but try and keep busy, occupy your mind elsewhere as best you can to avoid ruminating over this, and be kind to yourself.

She will want a baby and he will leave (is my guess)
Get rid of him first.

Oh, and, I just divorced my 18 year gap husband (after 20 years)

Cracks showed very early. But I had a baby by then. Utter disasterand he was sleezy/unfaithful throughout.

Hi OP, this must be really devastating and painful. We are all sending you strength .

Like others have previously said , I don’t think it’s helpful for you to worry too much about if things will work out with this other woman. If it hadn’t of been her it could easily have been another. Instead focus on what he said, which is that he needs a woman to match his vitality. What a load of old bollocks to justify his behaviour .Here is a man who is becoming super aware of his age, looks, declining sexual potency and the solution has been to grip onto younger flesh.

Even if he comes Back, you won’t forget that statement or his behaviour in a hurry.

Now it’s time to look after you. Each day you will become stronger and see what he has become clearly xx

OP he may start a relationship with her and it may work out, it may not. I'm sorry this has happened to you, it's hard to come to terms with a relationship ending when you're the one being left 😔 you sound like you're a little in denial at the moment and hoping he's going to come back. This is unlikely and for your own sake, you need to focus on your own life. Take it a day at a time. Get some support from friends and family. Just don't hang all your hopes on him changing his mind.

So I have found out that my ex partner and the new girl are now having sex ( I asked him) He only finished with me 2 weeks ago

it is painful: however honestly it’s no reflection on you. Try and see it this way if you can. Don’t let the bad feeling consume you as then you are destroyed twice. move on and make sure you’re doing things you enjoy doing. You will definitely survive.

Of course they're having sex. They were probably already having sex when she lived in your field. Change the locks and please don't ever take him back. You will get over him and Rebecca will soon get tired of him.

When your partner leaves you for something better, how did it turn out for them in the end with the greener grass.
While my ex was cheating on me, his affair partner was cheating on her husband. Her husband had also started out as an affair. The pattern then continued, as she cheated on my ex, too, a couple of years after we broke up.
My ex has since had two long-distance relationships (on another continent) lasting years. He has not lived with anyone since we broke up. I don't know how he feels about that. Maybe it's exactly what he likes, having casual relationships and admirers abroad, but plenty of time to himself to do whatever he likes. When I found out about the affair that broke us up, I discovered he'd been flirting/having flings of that kind for several years. So perhaps this is his greener grass.
At the time it was horrible, and it took me a couple of years to get over it, but now I'm pleased we broke up; shame he did it in such a dickish way, but it improved my quality of life.