Summer holiday contact

[FlyingFleetwood]

Offered DDs dad some contact for next week which is outside of the Court order. I was trying to consider him.

Over a week has gone past and he is yet to confirm acceptance. He should be snapping my hand off as he only sees DD 2 days a month. He's had two messages from me plus a Solicitors letter asking him to confirm.

Do I now just make alternative plans for DD as this was due to be a work day for me and I'd rather not a last minute scramble for childcare if he chooses not to take up the offer? Do I give him a deadline to reply by tomorrow?... DD doesn't particularly want to see him but I know she'll have a nice time once there.

Any thoughts?

Make an alternative arrangement. He clearly does not want to see your child more often that is necessary.

"As you have not replied I can only assume you do not want to see x on the additional days so I will sort out other plans for next week, unless I hear from you by ...... Today"

It could be he simply thinks what’s the catch? He only has 2 days a month (am assuming there is good reason for that but I would be distraught at 2 a month) so why all of a sudden are you offering more?

or he could just be an arse.

He's a narcissist and abuser but I was trying to show willing as we're still in court proceedings atm and I've been highly criticised. He's definitely thinking what's the catch I reckon.

This

So... he only has her 2 days a month currently. He is abusive and probably a narcissist. And yet yo are surprised that this perfectly rational offer is being ignored?

You have offered him contact time but when you are working. He probably just thinks, "oh, sh ewants free childcare". So just send a message saying, "Just to confirm, as I haven't heard from you I am making other plans for DD for that week. If you would like to see her over the summer, please let me know your preference and if I can, I will be happy to accomodate that." Then organise your childcare and be very comfortable preparing to turn him away when he turns up anyway.

Oh, and no, do not say, "inles I hear from you by today". He's had plenty of time, and reminders. Do not give him any more room. In your own head, sure, if you think that he might come through at the last minute, go ahead and be willing to agree but dont' offer it.

But based on what you've said about him, I think you're silly to offer it anyway because he's very unlikely to take it up or do it properly so you'd be stuck holding the can, with no pre=warning.

Just screams you're desperate for childcare tbh....

So unkind.

I am not desperate for childcare. I can easily put DD in holiday club or she can happily go to a friends or family members for the day. I've given him first refusal and have asked for advice on when I should start making alternative plans for DD so it's not a last minute scramble.

Don't know why you choose to be so unkind and nasty.

Sorry I wasn't being unkind but if he is an abusive man who you've been stopping her seeing then why would you want her to go there. It's just confusing 🫤.

As I said. We're still in proceedings and I've been highly criticised and it was an attempt to show willing.

Yeah cos shes so used to having her childs dad around all the time for help..

Oh wait no he sees HIS OWN CHILD 2 DAYS a MONTH.

She is the childcare. The Op is HIS bloody childcare.