When you both know it's over but don't want to face breaking up?

[babalon]

Me and DH have been married for 11yrs together for 12yrs. Iwas 18 when we got together and got pregnant within 3 months Anyway we went on to have dd now 11yrs old then had ds1 whos nearly 9 and lastly dd2 who's 20 months old.
We just don't seem to want each other anymore, alot of stress to deal with in recent years dd2 was born with a limb abnormality and I've had to battle for the correct treatment (DH leaves it to me) Ds1 have a respitory arrest last october and was in itu for 4 days Iwas with him when he deteriated and feel traumatised and guilty! Again DH just seems to brush it all under the carpet and have left the complaint letters etc to me! DH has gone self employed and now has no work he asked my opinion and then tells me I don't know what I'm talking about.
On top of everything I've had cronic back pain for over a year so am miserable about this.
I don't want sex mainly because of pain but because he harrases me constantly for it I find this such a turn off and we are locked in a cycle now.

I think we've come to the end of our marriage but we've both addmitted we don't want to move out of our home slipit up the kids etc. We couldn't afford seperate places and he couldn't afford child support and all the bills.

I just want to be happy I don't hate him I just find him anoying and a bit boring with different priorities to me.

Where do we go from here?

Have you talked to him about going for couple counselling - like Relate? I understand the part about feeling like there isn't much future together but don't want to split the family up (am there myself), but your post does sound like over the years you have lost the communicating part of your relationship.
If you both really do not want to physically split, then you need to find a workable way of being together. And for that you need to talk.

Are you having treatment for your back pain?

If you really don't want to physically split, perhaps it's not as dead as you think? Hibernating perhaps? You both clearly have some common goals and values (i.e. your dc's welfare). I would suggest Relate too. You can't both just do nothing and expect it to be tolerable at home. At least if you both go to counselling, it will help you to decide one way or another.
Empathise with the nagging sex thing. This is a vicious cycle, and can be such a deal breaker in marriages. It usually masks a hell of a lot of resentment.

Thanks both of you,
I don't hate, and would happily co parent under the same roof. Hubby and I used to work shifts and go away with TA at weekends so I was quite use to my own space but now he's always around I need space. If we won the lottery tomorow I'd split it 50/50 and go our seperate ways.
We go a couple of days sort off tiptoeing around each other then we have big arguement don't talk for a day or so then back to tiptoeing. H won't go for councilling because he's tight and wouldn't spend the money.

If I could just lay back and think of england a few times aweek then he'd probably be happy but I just can't bring myself to

It would be an answer to everything - lie back and think of england just to keep the peace, but why should you? Have you asked him what he really wants or is he a sulker and just won't talk about it? Sometimes you have to make him talk about the way things are. I also agree with littlewoman, resentment is one of the worst things in a relationship as it can put up such a wall between you, scream shout do what you have to to make him listen and get things off your chest - you never know he might listen.