Was I right to end this and walk away

[Anom02]

Me and my partner had been together 11 years and been through a lot together.
We have a 4YR old DD and a 5 month old DS.
Around a month ago I found out he had done everything apart from sex with someone at work (she is supposed to be gay and in a relationship with a woman.) he said that this was a one off, but they have been texting as “mates”Stupidly I let him stay and still see the kids everyday, he told me he still wanted to be with me, but his actions were saying another thing. He said he was unhappy in the relationship, but then said somedays he felt like the luckiest man alive. He Couldn’t come by me, didn’t want to talk to me. I asked him the other day if he was still in love with me and he said he loves me but he’s not in love like he’s meant to be. I decided to end it there and told him to go to his moms. He had the kids in the evening and when I got home he was in the bed and asked me if I wanted him to get out of it? Which I thought was weird. He keeps telling me how nice I look. Then trying to act normal. All the mixed messages.
He now hasn’t seen the kids all week, but they have been FaceTiming him. I feel like as soon as I found out he cheated I just automatically forgave him because I was scared of being alone and he showed me no fight. He has had no punishment or consequences for his actions and when I’ve spoken to him he just says he feels lost.
Is it over. Does he really not love me anymore, even though he used to tell me every day how beautiful I was and how much he loved me. I’m just so confused.

He had, is possibly still having an affair - he will have had sex with his colleague.
He is playing mind games with you. As you say he believes he can do what he likes with no consequences so long as he gives you enough hope that he actually cares about you.
He wants to do what he wants, when he wants and with whom he wants.

I really think you are best to seperate from him and only have contact with him concerning the children. I think you will be much happier if you do rather than let him play games with your emotions.

I’m afraid to say that I think he would have fought for the relationship if he’d wanted to save it and it doesn’t sound like he has.
Can you encourage him to make a set arrangement to see the kids so they know where they stand.
I know you’ve said you don’t want to be alone but it sounds like you deserve better 🤗

I think you’re right and he has it too easy. I know it’s killing him being away now from the kids and I’ve had very little contact with him. I’m now finding he is just trying to make conversation just to talk to me. I think maybe he is realising the reality of what he has done

He stopped loving and respecting you the moment he stat d his affair. He may still be seeing her so that he has a cushion if you end it with him. Cheating is a huge no for me and I couldn’t take anyone back who did that. Be strong and enjoy your children - you’ll find your strength in them x

The relationship can’t come back from this. It’s over.

Sadly it's time to get your ducks in a row financially . Keep all bank account details , pensions mortgages stuff etc and book a free legal session so you are armed . You appear to be being told all sorts and need to protect you and the children here ,

Yes, you’ve done the right think. ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’ is straight from The Script - the cheater’s handbook. Start setting boundaries, and get your ducks in a row.

He's a cheater and telling him to leave was correct.
He hadn't thought you would do that.
He thought you would suck it up as you are stuck.
He was wrong.
He is slime.
Now that reality has dawned he has decided that perhaps it actually suits him to use you and live with you.....until the next time.
Protect yourself and suit yourself as he definitely doesn't have your back, love you or care about you in all of this.
He is 100% focused on what suits him best for the moment.

I'm so sorry OP, you must be emotionally drained, especially with a newborn to deal with. I think he is incredibly selfish and you will no longer feel safe in the relationship, you will always be thinking, does he love me etc. I know its going to be so hard, easy for me to say, but please keep your boundaries, it's great you told him to move out. You didn't blow up your family, he did. I can understand why some people take back their partners after an affair, they show genuine remorse and take action to understand why they did it, however, this is not the case here. Please move on with your beautiful family, you do not deserve any of this x