Husband choosing mother first

[Dominated2016]

Been with my husband over 35 years but has always deferred to mother. I know I cannot change this situation but just looking for support for other women in the same situation. This is not something that will change as mother in law has an extremely dominate influence in husband's life.

Yeah it is fear, I see it in her husband and 2 sons eyes and actions. It's strange they all just agree with her and do what she says but she complains all the time that no one listens or does what she says, it's the most bizarre thing to sit and watch. Nothing much I can say as probably everything I do is wrong also, I stay well out of it. I even say to my other half why did you agree with say something she said even though I know he doesn't agree with her point and he says it's just easier that way. So god knows what she did to him when he was little if he didn't agree. Sounds like none of them have ever challenged her about anything and she thinks she is perfect! She left her job and retired early as she said she got bullied by other colleagues. They probably just didn't agree with her and she lost the plot.

OMG thank you everyone - alough i feel a little sad that our sex have this warped tendancy, with children, hopefully this has been diluted in future generations

My friend's working theory is that her MIL doesn't get the emotional engagement that she wants from her dh so she instead turns to her ds to fill that role. She also does the 'poor me, little old lady' voice on telephone callsa d continously has medical issues (although they never result in anything actuqlly heing wrong...) everything is engineered to tug at the heartstrings of friend's dh who then feels he has to step in where his father should be the one offering comfort/help/support. Meanwhile, Friend's selfish FIL is out playing golf and doing as he pleases whilst his ds is duty bound to help his mother. It's quite twisted

How awful. Her narcissistic traits are overbearing to the point they're affecting your life. Take a step back from her. Don't think about her. She can't force you to do anything. You can be polite but distant.
Your DH is bang out of order for making it so obvious he prioritises her over you. He should be able to give live and affection to both without anyone feeling sidelined.

https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dontrockktheboat/?rdt=52439
I love this analogy about "boat rockers"

He is so conditioned by her, it is very sad. But seeing same situations makes it easier to not get so angry - alough do not believe for one minute that her behaviour is not totally unacceptable - I can breathe and move forward for myself

labamba007
Why is this mothers and sons? Not fathers and daughters or mothers and daughters (I'm sure there are but we don't hear of them). What is it about that dynamic that turns men into mummy's boys? I have a DS and it absolutely not what I want for him. He needs to enjoy the world not hang around with his mum all the time doing what I say (the odd cup of tea though would be lovely 😂)
The phrase mummy’s boy is awful- at what age should my son’s suddenly decide they don’t want to be around me? I’m very close to my mum and dh doesn’t mind that we chat daily and I fill her in on things etc! I hate that if they do stay in close contact it’ll be because I’m controlling and emotionally blackmailing as opposed to the fact we might just get on!!

My friend's working theory is that her MIL doesn't get the emotional engagement that she wants from her dh so she instead turns to her ds to fill that role.

This ^^

It’s because you’re normal and want the best for your DS. I’m of the sand opinion of you as I’m sure most on here are but these mothers are selfish, lonely and emotionally blackmail and guilt trip their sons for their own gain.

I agree with this too, my other half lived at home till he was 30. His dad worked long hours and she retired when he was 25, so her whole world turned to him, cooking and cleaning for him, he was studying. She turned to him instead of his father for everything. You can tell she doesn't like his father or have much respect for him. Unfortunately none of this has done my other half any favours, he has no domestic skills of how a home needs to be run. She interferes in everything aspect of of lives from decisions about our child, how we run our home, holidays, not sure how much he has told her about our finances, it's just way too much and I don't know how to deal with it. I think it makes us both sad but he needs to basically break up with her and let his father be the support but think he's quite happy with the situation as it keeps his mum happy. What a mess!