Sorry for the massive post but just want to explain myself clearly.
I'm feeling pretty confused right now and think I need some reassurance that I'm not overreacting.
DH and I have been together 10 years, married for 4. Have two kids under two.
Over the last few months I've noticed a pattern where he never asks how my day is or how I'm feeling. We've argued about this before and he claims he always asks how I am but I know 100% this isn't true, don't know if he's gaslighting me or just genuinely thinks he is asking me.
Also a few months ago I was hospitalised with a serious illness which has meant my immune system was stuffed. I pick up every bug going, and have currently been unwell with a flu-like bug for about six weeks.
Earlier this week I was walking home and feel like I'm about to faint, I collapse on the sofa as soon as I'm in the door and he's WFH in the same room. After a while he asks how I am and I say I feel really bad and unwell. He goes back to working on computer like I'm not there. After a few minutes silence I ask why he doesn't seem to care that I'm sick and he immediately flies off the handle, full-on screaming saying things like "here we go again", "can't you see I'm busy trying to work" (I had been working that day too), "why does everything have to stop for you" etc etc.
I calmly but firmly say that I understand he's busy but would be nice just to be acknowledged, maybe offered something like a drink or given a hug - just something considering how ill I've been lately and, you know, seeing as he's my husband.
This made him snap and he storms right up to my face, literally a centimetre from my nose and smashes his fist really hard into the sofa next to me while screaming "what is your problem!?! What?! What the f- do you want?!" By this time I was in tears and frankly getting quite scared about how quickly things escalated. I told him to f- off and he kept asking me "what do you want?!?".
We literally argue constantly about the fact he won't do anything unless I ask him and how I feel disrespected and unloved. I asked if he really needed me to explain what to do for someone that's unwell or maybe he could work it out himself. I could see he literally had no idea which was making him angrier and angrier.
I've got tonnes of stories like this where he's belittled me, humiliated me or just generally been dismissive of things I say or am concerned about.
He's often sulky or moody and barely speaks to me for daaays. I have to walk around on eggshells until he eventually snaps out of it.
He did this to me the other week and he gave me the usual "I'm fine" when I asked if he was ok followed by the silent treatment for hours. When he finally did speak to me it was to make a sarcastic remark to make me feel bad. He always makes me feel like I've done something wrong but I know deep down it's not me - I think he has real self loathing and doesn't know how to deal with the emotions so just offloads on me.
Some context - on two occasions about 7-8 years ago he got really properly drunk after arguing with me and got right up in my face screaming and slammed the wall behind my head with his open hand. I was terrified and called the police, he spent the night in a cell both times. Never apologised for his behaviour on those occasions but every time we have an argument he likes to guilt me by bringing it up and how I should be apologising to him for unnecessarily calling the police and embarrassing him because he had to call his work at short notice and make an excuse why he couldn't come in.
What do you think? I honestly don't know if I'm being over sensitive about everything.