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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why?! I'm confused.

20 replies

AliensOnPlanetMars · 16/07/2024 17:53

At age of 55, I've never ever been ghosted by someone (60) & it's a huge shock. Been 6 weeks & still trying to work out what have I done!
He made the first move in March after trying yrs ago but I wasn't interested then. He wanted me to join him on his work jobs that takes him away. He wanted me to stay at his home. He wanted me to meet up when he's on jobs near to my area (he lives 5 hrs away). He said he likes me & he's definitely not like the others, says he isn't playing games, testing or messing me about.
We have same wicked s.o.h, same attitudes, we both do the same job in transport but live/work on other side of the UK.
After few mths, I let my guard down, said I fully trust him & that made him happy. We had plans for work & pleasure. We got on like house on fire! We texted each other lots msgs every single day. Over 1000 msgs between us in few mths!
I asked him to a party mid June & if he's in the area, he would come with me.
First week in June, I got a very short text on Friday saying he's in the area Saturday night. No 'how are you' or 'good morning' to me like he does, just "I'm in your area". Said I'm really looking forward to seeing you at long last. Got no reply. Sent a text joking "I'm going to get you back for what you did", still no reply. Got text off him next day on Saturday saying he's even closer to me on Sunday different area. Told him I can do both. No reply.
I've ordered some new clothes on Friday to arrive Saturday to wear that night, some non returnable. By 4pm, heard nothing off him. I sent a msg saying how unhappy I am after buying these clothes cos I wanted to enjoy myself for few hours with you. Still nothing.
Sent another msg as I was angry, saying how much I was looking forward to seeing you & think you're playing games with me. Still no word!
Nothing off him the next day on Sunday when he was only 20 mins away from my home. Sent a msg asking what have I done?! Nothing.
I'm confused, worried, upset.
When he got home Sunday night, he has blocked me on FB, messenger, WhatsApp, removed me from his friends list & blocked me on his mobile phone! Don't understand! Tried to msg him on his phone, delivered but never read (still not read to this present day & that was 6 wks ago), msg him on messenger - unable to deliver! Cannot contact him at all!
Someone told me they seen him updating his profile pic on FB of him & another woman which says he's in a relationship since July & she lives near him, saying how very lucky he is to be with her. What?!?! Hang on..... thought you wanted to be with me?
I just cannot get my stupid head round this. Still trying to work out what have I done?

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 16/07/2024 17:57

You haven't done anything but a long distance relationship rarely works. He found someone closer to home and acted like a complete douche. Instead of being honest with you, he ghosted and blocked you.

LightSpeeds · 16/07/2024 18:16

That, unfortunately, is how people 'manage' their relationships these days. They just block you, leaving you stunned and wondering what on earth has happened.

Best thing is to move on as quickly as possible. x

MonsteraMama · 16/07/2024 18:20

Ah I'm sorry, it's rubbish but he was probably seeing both of you - she was the Home Woman and you were the Away Woman. I imagine as things started moving towards something more serious with one or the other woman he realised he had to make a choice - and he chose her.

I suppose it's a lesson learned - men who go on and on about how they're not game players are usually the worst for it.

SamW98 · 16/07/2024 18:29

Sorry to say it’s not uncommon when someone lives a long distance and works away that they have someone at home and want a FWB when they’re working away.

This is on him not you. Hard as it feels right now you really have dodged a bullet

mondaytosunday · 16/07/2024 18:34

So you never actually met him? Seems he was live bombing you.
Don't be confused or upset or wonder what you did wrong. You did nothing other than trust someone you'd never met (or at least didn't know well).

BarraNayk · 16/07/2024 18:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Jennyjojo5 · 16/07/2024 19:14

Have you even met this guy? Doesn’t read like you did?

Ohwellithappens · 16/07/2024 19:26

He's completely led you on, but you never actually met for a date. I think because you mentioned buying new clothes and then sent a message when you were angry he blocked you , being honest and I think that no one wants to receive any messages that are angry from someone they are not dating or at all.
If I have been ghosted and yes it happens from men in their 50s and 60s I just acknowledge it and say " I haven't heard from you and presume this is ghosting. Good luck with everything" - every single time I get a message denying they were ghosting me... because while lots of people do it, no one wants to admit it.

Catoo · 16/07/2024 19:27

OP you didn’t do anything wrong. He found someone else and was too much of a coward to tell you.

Stop trying to find ways of contacting him. Your text will never be read because he most likely blocked you before it was sent.

How many times did you meet up? Was this party your first potential date? If so sounds like he was enjoying the ‘pen pal’ aspects of having someone to text every day etc but didn’t see it as a real relationship.

I know it’s a shock and is difficult but you have no choice but to move on and hopefully in time you’ll meet someone genuinely looking for a relationship and closer to home.

Beware though. These love bombing future fakers always come back when things aren’t going their way with their latest relationship with improbable excuses and even more promises. Block him and keep him blocked to avoid being manipulated in this way.

💐

9ctplastic · 04/09/2025 17:26

when you have sent 3 messages over 24hr period and no response, I always suggest to men and women, let it be and just know he or she isn't all that much into you unless they are sick or lost their phone.

Cut your losses and let it be, there is nothing wrong with you

9ctplastic · 04/09/2025 17:28

Ohwellithappens · 16/07/2024 19:26

He's completely led you on, but you never actually met for a date. I think because you mentioned buying new clothes and then sent a message when you were angry he blocked you , being honest and I think that no one wants to receive any messages that are angry from someone they are not dating or at all.
If I have been ghosted and yes it happens from men in their 50s and 60s I just acknowledge it and say " I haven't heard from you and presume this is ghosting. Good luck with everything" - every single time I get a message denying they were ghosting me... because while lots of people do it, no one wants to admit it.

Regardless of gender, I could not have agreed more here:

"being honest and I think that no one wants to receive any messages that are angry from someone they are not dating or at all.
If I have been ghosted and yes it happens from men in their 50s and 60s I just acknowledge it and say " I haven't heard from you and presume this is ghosting. Good luck with everything""

Montereyjaaack · 04/09/2025 17:33

That’s quite hurtful of him OP
But clearly he’s a coward and didn’t want to tell you he met someone else - or was already seeing someone else.
You will find better!

Arlanymor · 04/09/2025 17:35

I imagine that OP has moved past it now, given that this occurred over a year ago…

Mysticaldeer · 04/09/2025 17:51

Arlanymor · 04/09/2025 17:35

I imagine that OP has moved past it now, given that this occurred over a year ago…

Haha. Hope so.

Arlanymor · 04/09/2025 17:54

Mysticaldeer · 04/09/2025 17:51

Haha. Hope so.

Show quote history

Yup - me too!!

HelpHedgehogsByFeedingThemCatBiscuits · 04/09/2025 17:57

Never chase and read The Rules which will explain why things went tits up.

Montereyjaaack · 04/09/2025 22:09

Argh hadn’t realised it was a zombie thread!

mmsnet · 04/09/2025 22:27

9ctplastic · 04/09/2025 17:26

when you have sent 3 messages over 24hr period and no response, I always suggest to men and women, let it be and just know he or she isn't all that much into you unless they are sick or lost their phone.

Cut your losses and let it be, there is nothing wrong with you

this post is over a year old

DirtyBird · 04/09/2025 23:11

Something similar happened to me way before cellphones. I was dating someone locally for two years then we did long distance because I transferred to a different university. Then after 2 years long distance he all of a sudden stopped communicating. Everything was fine, I was going to graduate and we had plans to get married. A couple of months went by and after I made some digging I found out that he’d gotten married.

To this day I still don’t understand what happened. There no arguing and we were getting along fine so decades later it’s a mystery to me.

9ctplastic · 05/09/2025 14:51

sorry everyone for waking up a dead thread. lol noticed after i replied. maybe OP can update how she is doing

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