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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I let this friendship go?

9 replies

Carboncakess · 16/07/2024 15:36

We’d been friends for around 12 years. Our children grew up as friends together, all now pre teens or teens. They don’t speak much now they are at new schools and have new friends, but we still consider them close family friends and invite them to all family events etc.
We used to text each other several times a week and meet at least once a month (used to be once a week). One day the texts just dropped, I didn’t hear from her for weeks on end. When she finally replied it would ‘sorry I’ve been busy, how are you?’ I’d reply that we’re well and how are they etc. She would read it and not reply. Now it’s become routine that after this she will text me again asking how I am a month later, then not reply.
I’ve had enough taking the time to respond and ask about her and what she’s been up to for her to not even continue the conversation. I asked her if everything’s ok and she said she’s just busy. But from what I can see on her social media she is still doing everything else like meeting other friends, it’s just me she’s gone cold on.
As far as I’m aware I haven’t done anything to upset her, maybe she just isn’t interested in our friendship anymore, but it’s a real shame as we were so close at one point.
Do I message her/ ask to meet and discuss it or just let it drift naturally?
I am getting a new phone contract next week so a new number, do I send it to her or respect that she may not want to be friends and disappear quietly?

OP posts:
Toomanysquishmallows · 16/07/2024 15:40

I would honestly let it go , it sounds sadly like your lives are naturally drifting apart .

Wishimaywishimight · 16/07/2024 15:45

Not all friendships will be lifelong. I would just accept that she is not interested at the moment. Maybe that will change and she will come back in time. I wouldn't make a big deal about it i.e. asking to meet and talk about it. Just leave it in her hands - if she contacts you in the future, respond if you feel like it and don't if you don't.

Anon751117000 · 16/07/2024 16:19

I wouldn't bother asking her about it again - you've already asked if something is wrong. She's not invested in the relationship anymore so I would not give her your new number. If she really wanted to remain friends I'm sure she could get your number from someone else. Its always a shame when this happens and we always look for a reason but I've seen it with some of my old friends and other people I know, some people drift apart.

BaguetteLady · 16/07/2024 16:56

Whose turn is it to get in touch, OP?

And does she have an email for you?

if it's your turn to get in touch, I would send a low-key hello and tell her about the new number.

If it's her turn to get in touch and she has your email I would do nothing now and just let her use the email when your number doesn't work.

Olika · 16/07/2024 17:09

Just let her go. If she wants to stay in touch and do things she would make them happen.

LavenderFlowers · 16/07/2024 17:12

I would send it to her, as you would anyone else but then leave it there

MaryMack · 16/07/2024 17:15

Some friends have a shelf life, especially mum friends. That being said, I'd send her your new number but leave it at that.

greengreyblue · 16/07/2024 17:17

Instead of just asking how she is , why not arrange something? Just say how about a coffee or drink ? Better to catch up in person I think.

Carboncakess · 16/07/2024 17:20

Thanks all, it’s technically ‘her turn’ as she left me on read a month ago so it would feel awkward texting her again like I’m desperate to chat. We do arrange to meet up and 9/10 it happens, but in between we just generally talk about life/her new job/ summer plans etc. it’s never been boring or samey, it was a sudden change not gradual like when you don’t know what to talk about. I’ll take your advice and leave it in her hands though, I do miss her a lot but I know I can’t force her to stay friends.

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