Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

did your DH ask "for your hand in marriage"?

50 replies

bohemianbint · 12/04/2008 08:52

How common is this these days, and what's the etiquette?

DP's thinking about doing it because we're thinking of signing the papers in a month but having the party a year and a day later. He hasn't proposed as such, we can't afford anything at the mo so it's about as un-trad as you can get at the mo.

Is it just a polite thing?

OP posts:

edam · 12/04/2008 12:20

If he'd asked my father and done that before asking me I would have been very pissed off, though.

Lizzylou · 12/04/2008 12:21

Very unromantic here,
Brought then DP a cup of tea in bed before I left for work, I asked what he wanted for Christmas, he asked me, then said:
"What about getting you that Sparkler you were on about?"...thats it, job done, something to tell your Grandkids there!

benbon · 12/04/2008 12:27

my fiance did the whole down on one knee thing. he had booked a romantic table at our favourite restaurant...

then got excited and proposed 2 days earlier at home but he did get down on one knee..

he did also ask my dads permission but as my dad said youve had the rest of her you might aswell

bless we are now set to get married in 3 months time...

its funny as he never wanted kids or marriage now we have 2 children and an impending wedding...

Original poster

bohemianbint · 12/04/2008 15:08

novicemama - I think you've got the wrong end of the stick. I don't want him to ask. He wants to. I'm just pondering it.

Obviously it's just a formality, and as I say, I won't be given away so it's prob the only old school thing that will be happening in relation to this wedding!

OP posts:

MrsTittleMouse · 12/04/2008 16:16

DH didn't ask for my Dad's permission, but he did ask for his blessing. And so my Dad was the first to know, as a courtesy. I don't really think that my Dad gave a stuff to be honest, but I think that DH felt it was the right thing.

tigana · 12/04/2008 16:22

Bah! We were engaged for months before we told family.
And we 'told' them, we didn't ask if it was okay.

What if the woman's dad says no...will DP not propose to you? Because if he would still propose, then it's a bit of a pointless gesture for gesturings sake isn't it? And if he wouldn't propose, just because you dad says so.....

MrsTittleMouse · 12/04/2008 16:25

DH proposed first, and told my Dad second, by the way.

mom2latinoboys · 12/04/2008 16:54

My family didn't even know I was dating anyone. I came home and said, mom . . dad . . I have some interesting and exciting news.

scaryteacher · 12/04/2008 19:08

It's going back a bit (Christmas Eve 1985), but dh proposed to me, and then asked my Dad, and got as he puts it '20 minutes of the worst divisional interview you have ever had'. He was informed that I was a cow; it wasn't all between the sheets, and you'll be tempted by other women; and that my Dad had checked up on his prospects (and he had, he phoned everyone professionally in the RN that he knew who knew dh).

After all that, we got married, and are still so nearly 22 years later!

MrsTittleMouse · 12/04/2008 19:20

Holy cow scaryteacher! What on Earth did your Dad say for the father's speech at the wedding?

Original poster

bohemianbint · 13/04/2008 11:43

scaryteacher!

OP posts:

Twinkie1 · 13/04/2008 11:55

DH said to me in bed one nigh - so do you think we should get married - that was i but I think he was nervous I would say no as I said I wouldn't ever do i again.

He then wen and got a catalogue from a lovely jewellers and told me to pick a ring and then went and ordered it - couldn't pick it up though because the day I was supposed to they bombed London!

Got it eventually and is lovely - he bought me eternoty ring ths valentines day so that was a lovely surprise and he said he loved me and it meant so much more than the proposal which I think as well as the wedding we saw as a bit of a formality - although I love being Mrs Twinkie cause he is such a great man!

noddyholder · 13/04/2008 12:06

he could ask my dad if he could find him

Rolacola · 13/04/2008 13:03

My DH asked my Dad first.

A few days later he took me on an hours mystery drive, which turned out to be to my favourite place (Robin Hood's Bay). We walked to the sea, where he got down on one knee and proposed, with a ring, and then produced 2 glasses, and a bottle of Champagne out of his bag!!

I was very impressed!

mazzystar · 13/04/2008 13:04

sadly, no-one to ask

egypt · 13/04/2008 14:26

my dh did ask my dad, actually.

i didnt know he was going to but he had always said it would be respectful and i thought it was q sweet of him. my dad felt really honoured by the whole thing.

first dh plied him with whiskey in the pub

dad's answer anyway was 'well if she (me) wants to of course!'

then dh thrashed him at snooker all eve...

and dad never told my mum until dh had proposed to me - kind of sweet, he wanted to keep it between them

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 13/04/2008 16:39

Sorry, but this kind of thing really raises my hackles. I wouldn't marry a man who thought he had to ask my bloody Dad's permission. My OH would know better than to even think of it!
As others have said, you are not a possession to be traded from one man to another, you don't need anyone's permission to get married, would you like to return to the days when women couldn't marry without Daddy's permission? Why cling to a tradition that explicitly references that practise? I just don't get it.
('giving away' I see a bit differently, as it's more about proud Dad's showing off their lovely daughters, my friends and I have agreed we'd do it but not call it 'giving away!")

egypt · 14/04/2008 01:25

he didnt think he had to ask it at all, he wanted to out of respect. he has a good 'mately' relationship with my dad and thought that saying 'would you mind if i asked c to marry me' would be nice.

i'm sure if dad had said no, which we knew he wouldnt have, as my wants and needs would have been put first, we would still have got married. fgs. it isn't a trade! it isn't permission. of course we're not going to return to a day when women couldn't marry without father's permission.

its a gesture. fwiw, we had already decided to et married sometime before he asked.

i'm sure there's no one out there who would actually heed their father's word if they actually said no, like in times gone by. time has moved on, it's just a tradition some like to follow

Flum · 14/04/2008 02:01

Yes, pretty much. He asked me if I would do him the honour of becoming his wife. He had already asked my Dads permission.

My DH is old fashioned though but I love it.

He always walks on outside of pavements, opens doors, offers me salt and pepper first at dinner. Its lovely.

The only trouble is it makes me think most men I meet, especially at work are ignorant and charmless.

egypt · 14/04/2008 07:15

that's lovely flum. my dh isnt so chivalrous!

bellavita · 14/04/2008 07:43

DH asked Dads permission then asked me.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 14/04/2008 12:54

update

Well, as it turned out, DP asked me yesterday morning which I was really surprised by! We knew we were going to get married but I didn't know he was going to do the one knee thing!

And as it turned out, he didn't ask for permission, but he told both my parents together that he had proposed and that he hoped he had their blessing. So that was all quite lovely in the end!

OP posts:

egypt · 15/04/2008 09:42

congratulations

OrmIrian · 15/04/2008 09:43

It wasn't my hand he particularly wanted.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 15/04/2008 12:56

THanks egypt!

OrmIrian

OP posts:

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread