My husband is so moody

[Eminia]

I feel so upset by my husband. I feel is it me but I don’t know.
i live my life worried he will be in a mood so try to peacify everything. I tidy up , clean , make dinner. Serve him his dinner , clean up after it. I rarely get a thanks. He never cooks or cleans. Only his garage he takes pride in.
i paint and buy stuff for the house. I do the shopping put it away , carry it in while he watches tv. I feel with everything he feels it’s my job to do these things.
We work together and he is grumpy at work too. He has a chip on his shoulder about everything.
I feel he is never happy.
if I say you don’t show me affection or love he’s says, I’m busy and walks away . I will cry and say you make me sad you don’t show you me love. He just gives no response.
I have even wondered is he autistic to give reason for his ways . I just don’t know .
When he does a job he shouts while doing it and when I try to help I get the brunt of it by him referring to my as stupid. He rolls his eyes in public at me .
Is this what men can be like??

Whether he's autistic or not, letting you do everything is not on. Autistic people are well capable of sharing domestic jobs. They may need to be told what is expeted of them but there's no kindness shown in letting you do everything).

You cook - he cleans up afterward.

You've told him he's making you feel sad and he does nothing about it- he sounds like he doesn't care about how you feel, that he's content for you to do everything for him (Yes, like so many but not all men). Stop doing everything. What age is he?

He’s abusive towards you so the relationship you have to him is over. Nothing you write of re him at all suggests autism either. This is what he is like and not all men by any means act like this. He does not treat outsiders or his work colleagues like he does you.

how can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

Usually would say make sure he knows how you feel but you've told him and he's still being an arsehole towards you.
He must be one of those that think "wife" means domestic servant and emotional punchbag. It doesn't.

You do not have to - and shouldn't - put up with this treatment, with bearing the brunt of his shitty moods and verbal abuse. I'd be making plans to leave that relationship, OP - do you prefer the idea of that to staying with him?

You say you work together, in what capacity?. Are you his employee?. Do you get a wage from the business?

Why are you trying to make him happy? It's obviously not working and yet you keep doing the same thing over and over.

Stop doing anything for him. He doesn't appreciate it anyway. It's time be did a bit of adulting.

Is he an abusive person? I lived with a man before who had affairs and kicked me into the Christmas tree and smashed up my house.
He doesn’t do that but makes me feel like I don’t exist . This is why I wonder is he completely emotionally detached? Has no understanding of my feelings . I really don’t know.
iv been in the whole absusive relationship and got out! Now I’m in one where I’m confused , we don’t even sleep together now. He sleeps on the couch and we say it’s for work but he sleeps on the couch on days off too .

We work for a company and do the same job

You’ve gone from one abusive relationship into another one. This is not an uncommon scenario.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

Your boundaries here, already skewed by previous abuse, are being further eroded by this man now. Do contact Womens Aid as they can and will help you.

I would seek alternative employment.

Would you call this abuse or an inconsiderate man

Absolutely abuse. He treats you with contempt and doesn't care about your happiness. Both your home and work life revolve around trying to keep him happy because you're frightened of him.

Also, if he's treating you like crap and you're really unhappy, there's no reason to analyse why he's such a bastard - the result is the same.

I wouldn’t, I brought up kids in an abusive relationship and walked away with nothing. I worked hard to get this job and get a good wage. I have proved I’m strong and can manage alone. I can’t understand why he doesn’t appreciate this and want to be kind and caring.
I want this to work but can’t change how he is .

Does it matter? Either way, his behaviour is awful and you are left holding the can and doing all the work. He is either abusive, or he just doesn't care. Neither is great for you.

I think that the sooner you find a way to leave, the better. Do you have DC?

Women don't have ro be walked over either OP. I can't get my head round anyone wanting that dynamic.

That sounds bad saying I brought up kids in an an abusive relationship but what I should be saying I protected them. They are good and love me and are doing well .
I feel I’m the failure in relationships. Is it so hard to be with someone who is just happy and kind. Maybe I choose dysfunctional people

I know , I don’t want it . But I also love him.
He doesn’t drink or go out , but also he accuses me of things that I have never done. Eg being with a friends husband??!

He is abusive.

Also, you're not happy. You don't need to know WHY he acts like this. He does. So you need to decide what you want to do about it.

Leave him? Could you do this?

In the meantime, stop doing anything for him.

In a good relationship both partners play their part to look after the house and each other, and to cook, clean, etc.

He's not doing his part, so stop. Whatever you're doing isn't making him happy anyway.

Do you have support IRL?

This.

You need to make a decision to change.
If you do the same as you always do (walk on eggshells, try to please and appease), things will continue in the same way & this will be your life.

You can't change other people, you can only change what you accept & how you spend your time & energy.

Live for yourself. Do things that make you happy with positive people.

You are right why am I trying to make him happy if nothing I do works

Ooh, now I'm moving to thinking he's actively abusive and controlling. (not that just inconsiderate was much better).

I'm guessing he also makes you feel guilty for the smallest things, makes it hard for you to go out with friends, scrutinises your spending etc.

RUN.

It isn't your job to pacify a grown man

You do everything to make his home life comfortable and smooth and he calls you stupid.

He's a dreadful human

Up to you if you stay you don't need permission to leave

Life is so short, and everyone deserves love and happiness. This sounds like such a miserable existence for you. Don't accept it any more.

This is so true