So what ARE supposed to do, given that OLD seems so grim?!

[LightGlossyHold]

Posting as when I replied to another thread, it reminded me of my horrible OLD experiences:
-Nice chat, with someone i found attractive, then suddenly unmatched before we'd swapped numbers so he vanished before my eyes!
-Messaged then met up a few times, always me going to his (not deal-breakingly far away but a bit of a journey) not other way round, slow-fade, could probably see him again if I could be bothered but he's clearly not too fussed either way. Also learnt about 'negging' and he was definitely doing this to me plus a few other red-flags I won't go into now
-Messaged then met up, slept together, seemed really nice then he wanted nudes, then videos, didn't want to take no for an answer
-Met up, quite good sex, then came up with increasingly ridiculous and quite honestly insulting reasons why he couldn't meet up a second time (e.g. bank card stolen the day before. Then his shift pattern changed at the last minute. Then he got burgled. Etc.) Think he may have been married, in hindsight.
-Chatting online, moved to WhatsApp, he almost immediately proceeded to send me photos of his penis 😒
-Chatting online, still on the app, I didn't reply till the following morning, he got REALLY nasty and angry so I unmatched (this and similar has happened a few times and I'm not leaving ridiculous amounts of time to reply, just like I fell asleep and replied when I woke up)

• Chatting online, went for a meal, all was going okish till he told me that he had paid for sex. In a developing country known for sex work.

Plus loads of other slightly boring or outing horror stories.

But everyone I know (friends of friends, colleagues) who's made a new partner in the last 5 years met then online! I've only been using the apps for about 2 years but even in this time there seems to be a higher proportion of really horrible men who have no filter / no manners / are terrifyingly misogynist.

A male friend of mine said he's found Tinder and Bumble, as a straight man, to be full of bots or women promoting their Only Fans!

Honestly, those who have found love online, is it really a matter of just sorting through to find a nice man in amongst all the others?

Those who've met your partner offline, how did you do it? I don't have that much time / money / energy to have a proper hobby, thinking of the one person I actually know (an acquaintance from the school gates, as opposed to friends of friends etc.) who's found love relatively recently. She met her fiancee through a really niche sport.

I'm feeling increasingly despondent 😔
I have about 2 male friends who I've known for ages and they have both made it clear that they would potentially be interested (when drunk!) but I don't want to do something I would definitely later regret with an old friend just because I am a bit desperate at the moment, and ruin 25 yrs or friendship.

None of my friends know anyone single to set me up with (I'm 43, and most of my friends are around this age too I don't know if this factors into it). And virtually all of them are coupled-up. So are all the other adults in my family across all ages / generations. So it's pretty lonely at family gatherings 🙁
I don't have siblings to ask for introductions... Not sure that I would want to anyway 😅

I do have children (50/50) I don't know whether this factors into it. I have always been up-front that I am a mother. But at my age, a lot of women are so I would be surprised if that was putting men off.

I'm naturally quite shy but I have gone to all of the vanishingly small number of parties I've been invited to in case I meet anyone at them. Hasn't happened. I even tried going to local Church events to see if I met someone there (I was raised in a Christian household so wasn't totally out of character, I am agnostic I would say).

I work in an extremely female workplace and field so very unlikely to meet anyone through work.

The only things I can think of are singles holidays, speed dating, or an old-fashioned introductions agency. Or maybe one of the more old-fashioned dating website rather than the apps?

I don't think I am looking for a 'unicorn', just a nice normal man!

Genuinely, any suggestions or stories that'd give me hope would be very welcome 😃

I also forgot to mention Meetup-haven't tried that yet but might give it a go.

@Ilovelurchers I absolutely agree it has definitely gone downhill in last couple of years; I don't know why as I thought the apps were tightening up in terms of verifying ID etc. I really like the idea of something happening organically. That was what I was hoping for with the first two (FWB then becoming exclusive) but they turned out to be twats 😒
The idea of me meeting a hot dad at the school gates would be amazing! But I can't see it happening. There are v few separated parents at the school (even the headteacher has said this). And it is a tiny village school, where everyone knows each other's business.
I don't really have anyone to reconnect with, annoyingly!

@ViciousCurrentBun yes exactly- everyone who is single at this age has quite a bit of baggage, including me of course! 🙃

@usernother cool, thank you. I like the idea of not giving too much info away about jobs / work. That being said a lot of men I've come across have been really self-absorbed and not asked me anything about work, lol!

OP a couple of my friends met their husbands through OLD, they were both in their 40's. Don't give up hope.

@usernother thank you, it is always nice to hear of positive stories xx
I went back into the apps the other day and I could have cried; lots more ENM types than before (no judgement if that's what tickles your pickle I guess, but I thought open marriages were more to be found on Feeld app, and I don't want to be someone's side bit in an open marriage). Quite a few "Daddys" (bleugh) or "doms" looking for subs etc. which is not at all what I am looking for. And loads of profiles with passive-aggressive "no drama, no gold-diggers, don't match if you're not willing to chat" but written in a really horrible grumpy way. Also a huge amount of men unsure if they want kids matching with me, when I have put that I have kids, and don't want more. Although maybe they also include step-kids in this? That should be its own setting IMHO. As it is unclear if it means you don't want any kids of your own or if you don't want to date someone who has kids. I would not be adverse to the latter in principle. Fed up 😣

@LightGlossyHold I am jumping on this thread from last year as I'm in a similar position and have decided to take action. Slightly spontaneously I sent a note to every local Facebook and NextDoor group I'm on, saying that I'm going to set up singles events in the new year for men and women aged 40 plus. I am 53.

I asked people to register their interest via an email and it's gone bonkers. I've had a massive response and loads of people all saying the same thing- that they just want a place to meet fellow singles in a fun setting and to do different activities on a regular basis.

I'd be really interested in people's thoughts as to whether this would appeal and if so, what type of events would attract both men and women. I live in a town in the south east where there is plenty on offer. It's just that no-one has a place to meet fellow singles anymore!

Oh yes the ENM guys and the I don't like vanilla icecream ones, boak. Drenched in porn the lot of 'em.