I can’t stop thinking about an ex

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I know I am a terrible human being for this but I have to open up to someone about it.

My relationship with my husband just feels like flatmates, they have an incredibly low sex drive (I have a very high sex drive) and issues with PE, so whenever we do have sex, it only lasts for a maximum of two minutes.

I’m pretty sure he has a crush on a girl at work and has had for years.

We have two beautiful children together and I’ve never want to damage their life in anyway.

Problem is I cannot get an ex-fling out of my head, We’ve been in and out of each other’s lives for a long time, but haven’t really communicated in over 10 yrs as I have been with my husband.

I don’t know why, but in the last few months during the middle part of my monthly cycle, I am hornier than I have ever been (sorry, tmi).
I don’t even know if he is with someone but during this time of the month, I can’t help searching his name just find a recent picture of him. I have found a couple, and he has just as hot as I remember.

I’m looking for advice as to how to stop?
It is so difficult as it just feels like a a primal urge.

I’m 40 if that makes any difference.

“they have an incredibly low sex drive”

sorry “he has” not they. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Because you are missing out on something you crave it even more.

Is there something he can use to help PE or even sex drive? Does he know it's such a big issue for you. If it stayed, is it a blocker to a happy marriage or is everything else so great its not the end of the world?

Is this other guy single, would they be interested in getting things back on? If they are then be careful as you could end up in affair situation. If they are happy then I guess its not much different to lusting after a celeb?

While penetration may be an issue, what about pleasuring you with hands or mouth? Most partners I have had preferred that to penetration as they could orgasm easier.

I think its normal!

I still dream about "the one who got away". Haven't seen him for about 19 years, but I still think (fantasise) about him & he invades my dreams!

Married. Mid 40's

Thank you ladies.

No it’s a pretty rocky relationship anyway 😔
I’m pretty sure the lack of sex is a big contributor to the resentment I think we may feel about each other.

I've asked him for sex a few times and he sometimes doesn’t respond (via text) as I’m scared of the being turned down to my face, and other times he’s not that bothered and that just puts me off.
It’s really damaged my self esteem over the years.

I don’t know if he is single, but he has recently sent me a message on a social networking site, just saying hi and how am I.
I haven’t responded yet because I’m scared to, how sad does that sound!?

It's normal and the fact you were on/off with this fling makes it harder, because he came back from time to time. The fling was about passion though and may not have been a good relationship long term.

He is probably looking to come back into your life considering he sent a message so be very, very careful. Emotional affairs happen far too easily

When I was trapped in a crappy marriage I daydreamed about a guy I dated as a teenager (what he'd be like nowadays, how life would be). He lived in a diff continent by then, no practical element. Once the marriage ended (go me!) the imaginary crush just evaporated. It was a sign to end the marriage, nothing to do with the subject of the daydreams.

He’s married with 2 kids.
Fantasy has gone, you are all correct. I am missing what I don’t have & it was the not knowing anything which kept the fantasy going. But, it’s gone now & I can move on.
Thank you all for being so nice & not judging me.

Listen, we all have the one that got away! Mine was when I was 19, and I'm in my early 60s now! I've even stalked him on FB!