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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Questioning everything

2 replies

unsureMom123 · 15/07/2024 08:57

I’m separated from my husband. He had an affair which I’m really only realising was the final straw.
and I’m questioning everything in our relationship now.
One thing that plays on my minds recently is that I don’t think he ever really LIKED me as a person. We worked together for an while and I would call into him. He always stood up and directed me towards the door after a few minutes. Yes he’s working….but he wouldn’t dream of doing this to others who would do the same, calling in to him (he’s a teacher….its between classes)
He would barely communicate with me, yet send paragraphs of texts to acquaintances.
He also never socialised with me, or begrudgingly did so only if he had to. If we went out (rarely) he would sit with others and spend the night talking to everyone but me!

im not bad company! I know I’m kind, witty and have a variety of interests. I have many friends. Yet he seemed to only have acquaintances.
I wish I could say it only recently was like this, but it’s actually been this way long long before we married 5 years ago.

I guess I’m just so confused that I missed so many red flags and maybe I might alert anyone in the same situation.

OP posts:
Iveforgottenwhatitwas · 16/07/2024 10:22

Hi I just had to pop on here and say try your best not to overanalyse it, it won't help you. I separated before our 25th anniversary with the naive notion we could remain friends . No. I now dont recognise the man and wonder if I just didn't see what I'm seeing now or if he's changed that much. Either way, I'm trying not to wipe out memories of many happy years of family life 🤷🏼‍♀️.
But it's hard. Be easy on yourself. Look at his faults not inward.

Opentooffers · 16/07/2024 10:32

Surpring it got as far as any sort of relationship really? You are basically saying you accepted scraps from the start because you had little self worth. Perhaps it would help you to explore that in counselling. Men who have affairs are good at compartmentalising, and it looks like he put you in a particular box, so got different treatment.
I hope you get a smooth divorce and take needed time out from dating. Wish you better for the future, much better than he was.

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