I'm in a long term relationship. Been together six years and have a 2yo DS. We are not married. We've had some cracks showing for a long while to be honest. He's lazy and quite frankly selfish at times. My partner is a good dad to our toddler, he works full time and financially provides us, I'm a SAHM but he thinks this gives him the right to control all financial decisions and transactions, gives him the right to treat me like a maid, so nothing around the house etc always making plans with his friends without consulting me but expecting me to give him lifts at all hours etc. and on top of that we have no intimacy really, he doesn't initiate or turns me down when I initiate, recently he has strayed making comments about my weight and he even said I was a frumpy mum the other day.
Over the last few months I have been spending time with a friend, let's call him Fred. Fred Lives close by and has a SEN child who and a partner and step child, we've been taking the kids on playdates (he doesn't work as he full time cares for his child, but his partner does) we've been having playdates with the kids and just spending loads of time together. We've grown to be great friends and confide in eachothers about things, our relationships, likes, dislikes etc. we've even had a lot of flirty banter and he recently made a pass at me which I rejected and we agreed that we will never speak of it again but will remain friends as we have avoid friendship. He's also told me.ow he is also unhappy in his relationship and they have had problems for a while.
The issue I have now is, I am constantly thinking of him, of he sends me a message or something I'm instantly feeling like a giddy teenager and even fantasizing and I've found myself very attracted to him. I know I need to distance from this but I'm finding it so difficult. I'm quite unhappy in current relationship and I'm not sure if becausee he's showed me an interesting that I'm overthinking and enjoying the attention. I dont really know what l do and I feel terrible as I wouldn't ever want to hurt anyone or act on anything but where do I go from here? I feel very confused and conflicted. We spend a lot of time messaging each other having all sorts of conversations about lots of things. Is this bordering on an affair? I think I have some feelings for.him but I'm not sure if it's just a lust or something more. And if it is more how do I navigate this? I feel bad because I know my partner will be so upset if I choose to leave and I feel so terrible just thinking of how hurt he would be. I love him a lot but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him if that makes sense. Or am I just in a crisis because I'm feeling a bit unloved and underappreciated.