Would this annoy you or am I being precious

[upto10andbackagain]

Been with my husband 21 years , two children aged 17 and 10
Generally happy but he expects me to go with him when he see his parents , they are two hours away and not the easiest . His dad is probably Asperger's and very single conversation , very dull and talks non stop about his interests .
His mum is bi polar and I generally get in well with her if you ignore her unusual conversation. He obviously loves his parents and I don't hate them but I do find them exhausting.
Our eldest works so doesn't see them often , they are welcome to come to us whenever which is easier .

Today we went to see them have dinner see a band they like etc
I sit with youngest and chat , mil does chat with us a bit . Fil just talks with my husband .

This is what happened
Fil wanted to dance with his gd our Dd , she didn't want to so he walked off in a huff . We stayed then a song came on that our Dd recognised . She said she would like to dance so I went with her and she asked if gd and dad would come gd said no we're going ( not in a mood way ) . Mil started to put her coat on . I said we'll see them outside . My husband went with his parents instead .
I realise this happens a lot , my husband runs round after his mum when his dad goes off . And I'm left feeling like a side piece with the children .

He is very welcome to see them whenever but always wants me there then abandons us it seems

That sounds exhausting.

Have you had the conversation with him about how he acts around them?

There is an easy solution to this problem. You tell your husband you are no longer tagging along to visit his parents, and your children can decide for themselves if they wish to go. Perhaps you will accompany him a couple of times a year, maybe you won't, but he doesn't get to insist that you go.

@Cantbelieveit101
Yes I've tried but he doesn't take it well . He thinks I'm saying I don't like his parents . But that's not it . I don't like how I and our children get side lined . I know his dad is really demanding and my dh finds him tiring . But it's like we as a couple / family are expected to go and then practically ignored .
Would it be unreasonable to say I don't want to go anymore ? I can't see who it benefits and as I say they are welcome to visit us then I ( and children ) can be polite have dinner etc and have some space not spend a whole day just sitting around and feeling like we've been dragged along . His parents have very dubious taste in music . This time was 4 hours of country music and a meal and it was seriously depressing . I coloured and chatted with Dd and she was amazingly well behaved despite saying to me she was v bored and thought the singer was creepy because loads of woman aged about 70 kept going up to get kissed . I couldn't disagree tbf .

They don’t sound like easy parents to grow up with. I would think you husband has developed ways of managing them. He may not even realise.

@Aquamarine1029
This is exactly what I've said and he's said that they want to see us and it's unfair for them go always come to us .
His parents aren't old and frail by the way . His dad is a keen walker and his mum can bankrupt a bank with her shopping passion . I'm v worried though if his dad goes before his mum he will try to move her in with us . We have previously agreed that won't happen but he's become v over protective of his mum . I grew up with a mentally ill grandparent and I know how hard it is .
But that's another story

This is exactly what I've said and he's said that they want to see us and it's unfair for them go always come to us

This is when you have to be firm and tell him he is more than welcome to go to them. You'll see him when he gets home.

Your poor daughter. I know you've probably done this already, but please make sure she knows that the way her GD treated her is not normal and not ok. Because her dad sure as hell isn't going to.

How often do you see them? Can you compromise and tell him that you'll go occasionally but not every time? And that they can come and visit you some of the time too. It sounds like your DH spends his time when he's with them pandering to them and you're not unreasonable to point out to him that you feel like you and your DD feel like spare parts!

@EurJumper yes our children are aware of their quirky grandparents , I'm always kind when explaining their differences and our children are not left on their own with them . My dh is also very good with our dds except when he tries to meet his parents needs .
@Noseybookworm , thankyou for your reply . That's exactly what I agree with .
I think my DH has some unresolved trauma with his mum who was sectioned a few times during his childhood, earliest when he was 7 . Any kid would struggle with this . And his brother moved abroad so I think my DH feels very responsible for them , and especially his mum . But I don't feel it's unreasonable to say I don't want me or our DH to be told we have to visit his parents when it's so difficult.

Stop allowing your husband to bully you and your children.
He doesn't get to insist you visit.
He simply doesn't.
You tell him YOU are not going and the children can decide if they wish to join him.
The end!
His guilt towards his parents is not yours.
Do you work?
Because you need to be prepared to end your marriage if he tries to force his parents into your home to live if one dies.

You need to be firmer. He was very rude to leave you and your daughter. Not acceptable and he does this all the time.
You need to spell out to him that HIS behaviour is unacceptable and you will not tolerate it impacting your children.

His are not the only emotions that count.
Tell him to sort himself out and that you visiting his parents will be your decision only going forward.