Advice?

[pixiepip]

Tricky one...any advice
What do you do when a guy obviously loses interest, but denies it- and you like him and want to keep the friendship going? Got a situation with a guy who came into my life from the past- work, years ago- became very close, through emails and chats- ( he is separated)and I offered a big shoulder to cry on. I feel a bit hurt as I know he doesn't "need me" now as much as perhaps he did a few months back - he's got other things going on his lfe now- and I got really sucked in by the nice emails etc. Would you tell him you feel hurt, or just accept the situation? I am always in danger of overreacting and just don't want to look stupid!

I would most certainly feel disappointed, but why bother trying to hold on to a greased pig? You don't have to drop him like a hotcake but I would start letting go emotionally. Keep looking for someone who adores you, and whom you adore. That's much better worth fighting for.

I'm sure you are sad that the friendship has developed a different pace now that his life is back on track. I leaned very heavily on friends and new people I met when an engagement years ago broke up and I was floored and couldn't stop crying. I felt my heart had been ripped out and I couldn't be alone without thinking I'd rather be dead than feel this pain. The people around me, also my colleagues in my previous company and my boss were the safety net that kept me from falling and helped me move on. After a few years and relocating to another country I have gotten my life back together, am in a new relationship and couldn't wish for more. I am not in touch with all of the people that helped me through my dark times, but I haven't forgotten them. It was their suport that mended my heart.

You have helped this man to pull through a really tough time and should be credited for it. I'm sure he won't forget, either. However, friendship and love are two very different things when it comes to relationships and 'liking' someone doesn't equal love. Being needed gives people a buzz but wouldn't you prefer to be in a relationship where someone wants to spend time with you even though he's independant and strong. Where you could lean onto him, too? Who not only wants to share tears but also joy with you? Who could go anywhere he wanted to, but comes to you, because this is where he wants to be (not only because he doesn't know where else to go turn to)? I hope I'm making myself clear...sorry if I'm rambling. I just want to say that this guy is with you because he can pour his heart out, but now that he's on the mend he's lost interest in you. It was just the big shoulder that attracted him, not the whole pixiepip, you know what I'm trying to say?

Over-reacting would make you look weird and I wouldn't advise it. If any of the people that helped me had told me how hurt they were of not 'getting anything out of' helping me, I think I'd have definitely moved away from them. You did something incredibly goodhearted by helping him and I'm sure he will remember, but he won't pay you back in love.

As we move through life we help people and we are being helped. It's karma really. I'd let it slide and as littlewoman said look for someone that truly loves everything about you.

That was a very good post Alexa.

Was going to say something similar but I don't need to bother now.

On a less holistic note you could try the 'let him go and if he doesn't come back ... blah blah blah (Hallmark Card)' or the way I would rather put it. Play hard to get instead of waiting on his every email and phone call and see if that enlivens his interest and if it doesn't at least you will have started moving on.

Thanks everyone- good to hear.