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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My sister is harassing me and there are children involved

3 replies

PinkGerbera8778 · 14/07/2024 09:52

I'm wondering if anyone can help. I'm having trouble with my sister who, despite me trying to block her from contacting me, has still found a way to email me through an old email address I only use for ordering things - she hasn't used it to contact me for years but the one she has used recently I have successfully blocked her from so I guess she's trying other avenues. She has in the past tried messaging me through my business platform and I was supported by the platform, which resulted in her being warned for harassment. According to my family, I was in the wrong for getting the business platform to do this.
For context, after my husband naively hired her new boyfriend to work as a contractor for his business by trying to help him out, and he performed extremely poorly and nearly ruined the business, my husbands business partner decided to end the contract. As a result, my sister threatened my husband and so I made it clear that this was unacceptable and if she wanted to regain contact, we needed an apology. She has a child who is 6 have a child who is 1; it's so sad that there's children involved but my thinking is if she's willing to threaten a grown man, could she potentially do the same to my child? Ever since then, every time I've tried to repair (against the advice of my friends who say she's a narcissist and should be out of my life), she's responded with manipulative, bullying words. Her recent email to me included her trying to suggest me sending her son a present for his birthday was confusing him and making him realise there's a problem in the family. My husband and friends say that's nonsense because a 6 year old doesn't think like that unless the idea is put into their head but I still feel terrible. I knew if I didn't send a gift, that would be wrong too and I'd have received an equally manipulative email. I would never want to hurt my nephew and she has given me an ultimatum - be more present in his life (meaning I have to put up with her b.s and forcing me to let her see my child) or don't be in his life at all so I'm now thinking I want to set up something in my will to leave my nephew some money because I love and care for him.
I've been bullied by my sister all my life and only in my thirties am realising it. I don't have the support of my family, who think it's worse to expose what's going on than what my sister has actually done. So I am totally lost.
Should I go to the police to stop the contact? Should I send a solicitors letter? Or do I just keep blocking?
Or is she right, and is my family right, and I should just pretend like everything is ok? Deep down I don't want to I feel the need to protect my son and stop the generational trauma.
Your thoughts will be much appreciated. Thankyou.

OP posts:
StrawberryWater · 14/07/2024 10:02

So your family want you to be a bigger doormat and bend to your sisters nonsense? Tell them all to jog on.

As for your sister just block and ignore. If she keeps emailing then yes go and see a solicitor or get the police involved.

I think you might have to give up on a relationship with your nephew. You can't have one with him at this age without his parents involvement. Stope sending gifts, it just pokes the bear, and set up something for when he's older (but make it so that it's in your name for the time being because if he turns into a right bellend like his mum then don't give it to him).

Tartfulodger · 14/07/2024 11:03

If you are blocking her on every platform, I can't see how it would work still having a relationship with her child and agree it would to her at least seem to be poking a hornets nest. Leave something in your will if you choose but if you are no contact with her, you have to stay no contact. That unfortunately also means not sending gifts because I can see where she's coming from when she says either be more present in his life or don't. It's an old email you only use for ordering things, so you can easily close it or make a new one for orders.

PinkGerbera8778 · 14/07/2024 11:13

Thankyou. I really appreciate your thoughts.
I will reluctantly stop sending my nephew birthday and Christmas gifts, and my husband and I will make arrangements to remember him in our will. It is such a sad situation. But I need to focus on my little family now.

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