Husband cutting off financial contributions

[purplejeanie]

My H (who has a history of volatility) has decided, from one day to the next, to stop supporting us financially. He currently pays for mortgage, nursery fees, food, all bills. I earn considerably less than him and pay for child related expenses. He's decided to stop paying and we have now (already) defaulted on the mortgage for one month. Is there a court order I can get, to make him continue making contributions or would we need to go through divorce proceedings first? I want to try to force him to make payments asap. He will not listen to reason. He is living in our house.

I assume that I wouldn't be entitled to benefits if he is a high earner and still living in the house.

You can’t force him to make payments.

Is your name on the mortgage?

Well you should get legal advice ASAP. And definitely get set up to leave the bastard.

How old are your children?

If your name is on mortgage as well you need to call them tomorrow and explain the situation sort a mortgage holiday or something

Definitely need formal advice here. And I'd be seeking to separate

You can get benefits if you’re separated but living in the same house so that would be worth a look….

Sounds really peculiar!
Does he need a medical check to ensure he is mentally 'well'?
Defaulting on the mortgage will affect both of you.
Maybe contact the mortgage company and let them know what is happening - not sure if it will help but at least they know. Let nursery know the situation as well re finance.
Get your ducks in a row and head for divorce. Check what benefits you might be entitled to. Especially if you start living separately within the same house.
Stop doing anything for him.

Has he given a reason for such peculiar behaviour? After all his credit rating will be affected too.

Are you separated and living under the same roof or are you together?

This is strange behaviour. Is he mentally unwell? Has he told you why he’s not paying anymore?

WTF
Do you have access to phone/computer, bank accounts, his cards etc? If so, just take over and pay everything yourself. Or transfer half the accounts to you for now
Even if you have to be sneaky about it

I think divorce would be the way forward first, then u can apply to court for a financial order pending maintenance (or something similar it's called) before the order for sale of the house

You need a solicitor asap

Is he an incredibly high earner? Many families with two full time incomes pooled together find paying for all that difficult.

This literally happened over the last couple of days. He has moved into the living room so I'd say we are separated. He is not talking to me and barely talking to the children, other than the youngest. We have four kids and the youngest is two, I have access to the accounts but we are overdrawn and depend on him transferring money from his company (he owns a small company), and so me taking over the account won't solve anything. His reasoning is that he wants to leave us and needs to get his finances in order. I don't think he would ever see a doctor. He was smoking weed regularly but has stopped in the last month and I think that's precipitated this.

If it's a company it's going to be incredibly difficult to access information. Could it be that the company is failing and he simply doesn't have the means to pay and has lost any desire to try and make it work financially? Not good for you and the kids so you need to get proper advice and help asap. In the meantime as pp advised call the mortgage company and advise them of the situation.

speak to mortgage company and key bills you don’t want to fall behind with. Review your finances asap, what is joint that you are responsible for and see how you can cope for the next 6months, stopping all non essential expenses you can. If he continues like that, you will need to accept getting in temporary debt but it won’t be forever.
Head over for free 30mins solicitor consultations (you can see as many as you wish) to get an idea how quickly you can divorce.

I am so sorry. I went through similar. My ex would not listen and the only thing I could do was to divorce him to protect myself and the kids.

Are you sure the business isn’t going under? It really sounds as though there just isn’t any money.

If he had money wouldn’t he be staying in a hotel or getting a private rental instead?

I'd bet his buisness is up the shitter and he doesn't want to say he can't pay. Either that or his heads been turned and he's also a total bastard.

You don't stop supporting your family just because your marriage has ended. I'd be telling everyone, including his parents, what he was doing. Shame him. That way he might be forced through public opinion to provide. Of course that only works if he's egotistical. Which it seems he is so it's worth a shot. They don't like their images tarnished.

Look into selling up ASAP (assuming that can be done with the mortgage?) You can't afford to keep the house with him. Emotionally or financially. I also suspect you may end up with bailiffs at the door due to his actions, especially if his buisness has failed.

Get the divorce rolling too.

What bills are in your name? You need to prioritise them. Speak to the bank and explain what has happened.

Agree with @Pinkbonbon

Get your ducks in a row. Photocopy or screenshot all bank statements private pension statements etc oh can find. Make sure you have the kids birth certificates and passports. Do all of that today if possible before he starts to hide stuff.

You can totally claim benefits and be in the same house. You just tell them the truth that you're separated.

That could help if you get divorced as then you'd get legal aid as on benefits. However I think it's only in Scotland. Not sure if you can get legal aid for a non violent divorce in England.

You do need to speak to a lawyer as soon as possible though.

He wants a divorce. Perhaps after you get legal advice, if you agree with him and say fine let's split up you can point out that defaulting in the mortgage could lead to then repossessing the house which you'd lose thousands on so it's better to pay the mortgage and get the house on the market. That could calm him down.

Agree his business is probably going bust and he's panicking. You may have to work more hours or change something to cut back on spending while this gets sorted.

You need to put the house on the market asap before you run into serious issues. Get it sold and spilt it.

Thanks everyone-really useful advice. I agree it must be related to his business. I just spoke to him and he was all 'poor me'--he works and works and no one appreciates him and now he needs to take care of himself. I also work 4.5 days per week and do all the child related stuff. We just have high expenses, but these were agreed expenses. I will call mortgage company and try to arrange a payment holiday. I will see if I can get benefits. I will cut costs. I will speak to a lawyer. I will hope he changes his mind (but in any event, long term the marriage clearly isn't tenable).

If you are serious about separating from him you need to close or freeze all joint accounts and get your salary and child benefit paid into your own individual bank account. If I were you I would empty the accounts first, which he won't like, but I'd be using whatever money is in there to keep paying the mortgage and bills.

If you close/freeze the joint accounts, and as long as you are sleeping apart and intend to separate permanently, you can claim Universal Credit as a single person straight away, even while he is still living in the family home - as long as the idea is that he will move out as soon as practically possible.

You can use an online benefits calculator such as entitledto or Turn2Us to work out your UC entitlement, or contact Help to Claim tomorrow morning: www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/claiming/helptoclaim/

You should also contact your mortgage provider tomorrow to explain the situation. If you are able to negotiate a temporary pause or reduction in repayments that could help.

You can also contact the council to notify them that you have separated and to ask them to bill each of you separately for 50% of the Council Tax. That way you should only be liable for your half and not the whole lot.

Good luck.

I’m so sorry. He sounds heartless. You’ve had loads of good advice.

My parents went through a simultaneous divorce and bankruptcy. You need to find out what state the business is in. Has the house been used as collateral? Are you a director? Is it heading towards bankruptcy? What debts are there? All this will feed into the distribution of funds following the sale of the house and what you need to do when getting you ducks in a row.