Middle aged DH personality shift

[whatshappeningtohim]

DH is mid 40s and I’ve noticed a gradual personality shift in recent years. It’s hard to put my finger on but his views now seem very stereotypical of an “old man”. It’s a bit like being married to Victor Meldrew (showing my age here!) He rants at the kids about wokeness and people being too sensitive these days. He goes on at length about manners, he complains about everyone as if they have some selfish agenda. It’s exhausting. Perhaps the worst part is that when he’s not being grumpy he’s constantly joking around so there’s no middle ground where we can have an adult conversation. The kids have mentioned it to me, but I don’t know how I can approach it with him, he can’t change his personality?!

Is this just normal middle aged stuff? He’s had some health issues recently - all lifestyle stuff and nothing cognitive

Maybe hiding in the cupboard at the bottom of the stairs and leaping out when they walk past? Alternatively, OP could fake a heart attack.

My brother (mid 40s) has turned into our Dad. He’s gone from easy going and fun to constantly uptight and having a very strict routine, just like Dad.

Apparently a lot of men suffer low testosterone issues, which can cause these issues - worth looking into with the GP?

I think this is quite common with men , mine is the same and at times it’s very upsetting that he can be so negative and irritated at minor things . I still go out with friends for meals and catch ups as I need the chat and positivity that other women give . I try to book theatre or trips for us sometimes too but it can be draining . He doesn’t have friends that he goes out with which would help and is very much a home person but always was I suppose . Try make sure you have a social life yourself!

My DH is like this too. I feel like he’s aged before his time, he’s grumpy and snappy and also hates anything he considers woke. It’s draining. He’s early 50s, but behaves more like an 80 year old. It’s ‘good’ to realise I’m not alone.

Well misery loves company so it's good to know I'm not alone, but my sympathies to everyone who's suddenly married to their FIL.

Testosterone is a good point, and he's clearly been thinking about it because he ordered an at home test a few months ago but never got round to doing it. I'd forgotten too, I'll remind him today.

@Runsyd ha! Good plan! I'll keep the fake heart attack up my sleeve to excuse myself from his next rant about the state of DS's bedroom.

he can’t change his personality?!

Well, he can, because he has.

I would tell DH to quit it, I am enraged for you OP 😅 this is one of my biggest fears tbh, not scared of him leaving me, cheating etc but my god if he has the middle aged personality transplant what an absolute nightmare, I’m out of here. Nip it in the bud now while he can still remember being non-annoying, hopefully new fuddy duddy habits won’t set in!

He rants at people being too sensitive yet you are wondering how to approach this conversation with him?

Can you not point this out and see if he joins the dots?