I'm finding this difficult. Co parent well together, and the children are happy but I'm finding it all very difficult. Seeing my ex call to our home to collect the kids and drop them home is hard, seeing him at the kids school events football games etc with his new partner is very hard. He left me after a very long time together and just went straight into something else and 2 years later I'm still no further on emotionally. I get butterflies when I see him. There's no hate for him although I wish I could because he turned my world upside down. I was forced into being a single mum and losing my best friend and the only life I know. I'm more hurt than have any hate in me towards him.
We communicate really well but I once made the mistake of answering a late night call from him and he had been drinking. He spoke about his regret of walking away but said in the moment he didn't think we were salvageable and he pursued something else because of that and he is where he is for that reason but it had a lot of blame on me when I already blame myself as it is.
He said he still loved me wishes things had of turned out differently. That he sees his own faults too. Told me I'm a great mum and says he finds it hard seeing me too and me seeing him with his new partner. He said we need to keep connected incase we can ever return to one another. I obviously know he doesn't mean that, and it's prob as a way to keep me hanging and shamefully so far it's done the trick if I'm being truly honest.
I really miss him, I miss my family being together, I hate being alone every other weekend feeling like I'm not a mother for 2 days. I miss our chats, I miss our laughs. I'm insanely jealous, compare myself and just envy the new partner and I shouldn't. She seems really lovely and the kids really like her and I trust her with the kids etc I'm just jealous she has my life, my partner and my children every other weekend. I loved him so much. I'm just finding so hard to adjust along side co parenting with someone I love abd someone who shatters my heart everytime I see him. I hide it from the kids and everyone else how I really feel. I just put a mask on and pretend but I'm destroyed inside. I always have to have a good cry after seeing him. This isn't how I imagined my life. I cant even think about seeing other people or anything like that and I'm 2 years single while he's 2 years with someone. Please tell me I'm going to recover from this somehow without going insane or crumbling anymore than I already am.
If I never had to see him again I'd be fine, but Co parenting when you still massively love someone so much and that you'd love to have a chance to fix things with and can't is so hard. It's hard to hear your children talk about the other home and how wonderful dad's new life is when you're still struggling with losing the whole world you built with this man. I feel just so replaceable. Please tell me someday I can Co parent with this man without my emotions being romantically attached to it as well because my heart just can't take much more