Maintaining ex's relationship with DS

[Naivenelly]

Hey all - feeling a bit frustrated. A few years ago I moved to another part of the UK which was 3 ish hours away from where DSs dad lives. He sees him every second weekend (ish) and did even when we lived close. He was allowed to see him whenever he wanted but never did more than every second weekend. I said I'd meet half way every other weekend to drop and collect him from him and have continued to do that 5 years later.

DS is now 16 and for developmental reasons isn't able to take public transport. Just a couple of weeks ago, the ex booked for them to go to a show, which meant me spending 6 hours driving there and back to accommodate this.

I am planning on visiting family in the next few days about 5 hours away. DS is with his dad and I asked him if, rather than collecting him from his house which will add 1.5 hours to my journey, could he maybe drive 20 mins and meet me a bit closer to my route, and he said no sorry. I said, not to be funny, but I spent 6 hours driving a couple of weeks ago to facilitate something that was a present from you. He said, well you did choose to move 3 hours away.

Am I having the p*ss taken out of me here? He is a controlling person and thankfully has minimal contact with me now outside of arranging contact. But something has to give, and that always seems to be me apparently.

For context I've also recently been diagnosed with a heart condition which makes me extremely tired. I had to take a day off sick after the 6 hour driving for the show, but I did it because I wanted my DS to have a good time and he was excited.

DS doesn't actually care about going to see him anymore as, in his words, the weekend is spent doing things that are his dads hobbies.

Just looking for an outside perspective here!

Without knowing your reasons for moving so far away, I do think that it must have been a massive PITA for your DS's dad to have two three-hour round trips introduced to his weekend and that if he can't be bothered going 20mins out of his way to help you out it's probably because he's thoroughly over spending his life driving around because of your choices.

In regard to the concert, I think I would have simply said to the ex that such a large amount of driving in one go was beyond you so he'd need to take DS to the concert or find a more suitable present.

No you took the piss moving 3 hours away

If you moved then you should do all the driving.

I hope you are feeling ok OP. Your priority needs to be keeping well so you can keep caring for your son.
Keep the lines of communication open between your son and his dad but as he moves into adulthood it will be their responsibility to maintain their relationship not yours.
It sounds as if you are trying to keep communication going , but it doesn’t fall totally on your shoulders . Your Ex needs to be reasonable too and expecting you to drive that distance when unwell is unsafe.

I strongly disagree that OP should do all the driving just because she moved.
You were a single parent then, doing the majority (if not all) of the work raising your child alone. Meanwhile your ex got to be the fun parent for a weekend now and then. If you had a better life waiting for you elsewhere, which would inadvertedly benefit your son, it was your right to do so. If your ex disagreed, he should have brought this to court years ago, not complain now.

Are you a UK resident? If so, your son at 16 can choose whether he wants to spend time with his dad or not. You're more than fair to drop your son halfway. If your ex, who has had zero work while his child was being raised for him, wants to see his son, the least he can do is travel that distance. But if he's unwilling to make that little effort, I'd leave it up to your son to decide whether or not he wants to see his dad, and to your ex to figure out how to arrange it.