He's just said we might drift apart :( Feeling floored :(

[ginaelle]

I've been seeing a lovely man for around 18 months (we were friends for a couple of years before then) and things have been going great. Both really happy.
It's a long-distance relationship, we live around 3.5 to 4 hours drive from each other. I'm a single parent with a rigid routine that has to find around my child as well as work. He works shifts, long hours and our days off don't always match. So, on average, we get to spend one weeks per months or every 6 weeks together (child-free. My child stays with grandparents who live locally to me).
Things between "John" (not his real name) and I have always seemed to work because we both make a lot of effort and have both said we love each other and are committed to making it work.
For various reasons, we're not able to meet as much as we would have like over the upcoming summer holidays (I have a trip abroad that's been booked for ages, going to visit a relative for a special occasion). John and I will have a few days together in early August (although my child will be with us, school holidays).
Despite not being able to meet in person as much as we'd like, John and I chat every day and always try to have something planned to look forward to. We've just been chatting on WhatsApp and I mentioned that it would be good to arrange a child-free visit to him in September and he seems happy about it.
He then typed "if any longer than that, we might drift apart - sad face emoji".
That floored me because, imo, people only drift apart if they allow it. If they stop making the effort with each other. I voiced this to John and he agreed, said he'd committed to things working between us.
Can't help being upset but this drifting apart comment though :(

This seems like a storm in a teacup, he just made a statement that if you barely see each other you might drift apart. That's true isn't it? It also seems like he said it with some regret ie that he wishes he was seeing you more.

Oh Jesus OP….

He misses you OP, would like to see you more, worried you may drift apart if you don't see each other more. I'm sure you feel the same?

He's telling you he wants to meet up as you suggested. He doesn't want you two to drift apart. He sounds committed to you. He wants to see you. He is sad at the thought of not spending time with you.

You're reading things into this that I don't think are there.

If you don't see each other you will drift apart realistically.

If this is going to work you both need to find a way to make this happen

For a lot of people, they do need regular in person time to maintain that romantic connection otherwise it can drift into friendship territory. I'm one of those people- however much I message or call someone, I need to spend time with them in person fairly regular to maintain my feelings. There are times of course when there'll be big gaps- holidays but on the whole things do fade for me. He might be one of those people and while you're not, there's nothing wrong with being either type of person.

He might also be thinking about the future sustainability of your relationship at 18 months in. Do you want to live together or closer together in the future? How would that work for you both?

4 hours! And a child. You must have already had a conversation about one of you moving to make it work. When and how? because seeing someone every two months isn’t really partnership.

He's right though. I've been in a long distance relationship and it won't last unless you see each other regularly.

He's voicing a valid concern, and rather than getting upset about it you should be taking it seriously. How is this going to work long term, is one of you going to move?

He's saying the exact same thing you also do in your OP - that this relationship depends on both of you making a conscious effort for it. And that it's worth it.

Most of the time if the relationship doesn’t develop then drifting apart does happen… If that comment triggered you so much, there might ve something there - are you really so very happy or would you actually want him to make some effort to get closer to you (distance wise? Family/friends? Future plans?) LDR can’t exist indefinitely

You’ve said yourself that this only works because you’re both committed to making it work. He’s just expressed that exact thing, in different terms. I think you’re overthinking it. Poor bloke.