Help?

[Namechangeforquestion1]

Good points
Would never cheat
Stable job and works hard
Kind
Level headed
Calm
Good father to his adult children
Similar interests to me
Likes holidays as I do

Negative points
Unable to make decisions
Never takes the lead
Never says he loves me unless I say it first

I do a bit. But then I wonder if I've seen too many romantic films where everything is perfect. Where in the spectrum does one settle?

Very true.

Where in the spectrum does one settle

Where one feels comfortable.

People who are comfortable in their relationships aren't posting on forums to work out whether to stay in them.

My chap can be a difficult bugger and we have our moments of ‘normal marital hatred’ (I don’t empty the hoover, he eats prawn crackers too loudly) but I wouldn’t want to do life without him.

Our relationship is nothing like a Meg Ryan movie though!

My expectations are likely off.

I always feel something is wrong with me. I've never been in love with anyone. I overthink everything and go over and over situations. I think it's probably me that's a bit odd.

What are your expectations?

I think it's probably me that's a bit odd

This is where your problem is. It's you who has a problem with you. And yet your list of positives and negatives is about him.

In the nicest possible way, there is nothing unusual, special or different about you. To insist that there is is to insist on poor relationships, because anybody who chooses to be with you is a person who chooses an odd person, and so, must be odd themselves.

You're a human. You're different from everybody else in the same way everybody else is. You have needs and wants which are in combinations specific to you, but none of your needs and wants are unusual or 'too much'. Or, if they are, which of your needs and wants do you think are the 'odd' ones? Can you be specific, and tell us what it is that makes you 'odd'? Overthinking is really really common. Insecurity is rife. Anxiety is everywhere. What's so special about your faults that it makes you unusual?

I'd don't think I'm special. I think you misunderstood.

I don't know.

It changes. I guess I want to feel loved and love someone. I've never been in love, so that bit alone is missing. I've never felt loved either. That's why I feel odd. Most people seem to be in love, in works or doesn't, they feel loved.

You clearly stated that you think you're odd. Which means you are different to the extent that it makes you different from others. That's another way of phrasing the sort of 'special' I meant.

You're not odd. Your expectations are not off. You are just like everybody else: you have feelings, and you want a relationship that triggers the good ones as much as possible, and the bad ones as little as possible. Nothing unusual, different, special, odd, or however else you want to phrase it. There is nothing wrong with you. Whilst you operate from a belief that you are most likely odd, you will not be able to form a healthy attachment to anybody. Work on that belief, rather than working out what is good or bad about your partner.