Feel disrespected by husband

[Atiredmom]

Feeling very upset about a comment my OH made earlier today.

I tried to have a general conversation with him about something minor. I simply asked him a question on how we should order the household chores after dinner. We had music on in the background at the time, and he blatantly ignored me whilst singing along to the song playing in the background. I expressed that I thought him doing that was rude, and he wouldn't act/ignore his parents if they spoke to him. To which, he responded "you don't deserve the same level of respect as my parents".

This came from nowhere, we weren't arguing or anything beforehand. This comment has really upset me; it's like he has no respect for me at all. I'm now sat here thinking about how unappreciated I am. He never thanks me for anything I do for him. I'm constantly cleaning up at the back of him, and yet he goes and says I don't deserve the same level of respect as be gives to his parents.

Am I overreacting, or is this below the bar?

No you are not overreacting. He is rude. So as he can't take a simple discussion over sharing and contributing to household chores then you need to do it with action. He will get the message. First do not do his laundry. Do not pick up after him if it's a mess it's his mess you have to put up with it for a while do not cook do nothing he does not deserve it. Take yourself out with friends go on walks go gym have fun he will eventually realise just how much you do. Then when it gets to where he either can't cope and begs mercy or gets angry you say this is why I should have equal if not more respect than your parents if you give me 0 respect you get 0. Actions sometimes speak louder than words. Has he always been this rude or has something happened recently? You need to make a very firm stand now.

Oh wow! I wouldn’t put up with that. As @Katej82 said just silently withdraw all that you do for him. Keep yourself busy and chirpy, see what he says when he realises what you actually do for him. Have you been married long?

I would struggle to come back from this. Have you been together long? Any DC?

It’s a real turning point I would say. He’s told you to your face that he doesn’t respect you in almost those exact words.

For me it would be rub it out and start again. He is an adult and he should not need cleaning up after. You aren’t his maid. Or chef. Or PA. Absolutely stop all the services you provide and look after yourself for a bit.

If he asks why then you can have the chat about resetting your expectations of him as a partner. If he continues on being messy not cleaning his mess and generally enjoying the situation and winding you up, then you know it’s time to leave.

💐

Stop cleaning up after him. He's not a fucking child 🙄

Harsh what he said and poor choice of words but I am sure many people wouldn't say their partner is as good as their parents.

Nasty and rude.
Stop doing anything for him and have a think.
Is this really a relationship you want to remain in when he is so comfortable being so unpleasant.

Are you serious? Why have a relationship with someone you don’t respect or who doesn’t respect you?

If this is typical I don't know why you're with him.

I would be making a big deal over this. Let him know it is unacceptable and you won't be spoken to like that. You can gauge his reaction and decide if it was just a thoughtless comment or whether he is really a huge idiot that doesn't deserve your respect.