My partner keeps calling me a bad mum

[Mumbum1990]

I’m 7 months pregnant, I have 3 children and my partner has one from a previous relationship. My youngest two are with him. I’ve always struggled with what I now am pretty sure is adhd. My partner was the typical love bombing person at the beginning. He hooked me and then treated me like crap. I kept being stupid and taking him back, and things have just kept happening to basically make me feel completely trapped. I have a terrible relationship with my parents, and at the moment I feel like I’m going crazy with feeling alone. He treats his child from a previous relationship better than our kids, which makes things really strained every time they’re here, especially when that’s what I had to deal with growing up. The last 3 weeks have been hell. I’m finding things difficult to cope with, and just can’t bite my tongue when things are upsetting me. He tells me he should kick the crap out of me, how my kids will see how much of a psycho I am, how nobody cares about me and no wonder my parents have always treated me like crap. I honestly feel so alone, and when I asked him to leave, he has outright refused. Saying he will screw me over with my benefits and make me lose everything. I’m currently losing a family member which is really messing with my head, and he keeps telling me I’m sick and wrong for being upset with him about other stuff on top of that. I just don’t know what to do anymore. He won’t leave, my financial situation is horrendous thanks to him, and even though he isn’t on the tenancy he’s trying to make me leave instead. I'm a SAHM but am trying to build my business up, I’m exhausted, and honestly not sure if it’s all me being this awful person, or if it’s him. He does cook sometimes, but I do everything else round the house… I’ve not really got any friends anymore since being with him… all my friends can’t stand him. I am just lost, he’s trying to make me think my kids are better off without me…

You didn’t create this he did … change the locks ..

I stayed with my abusive partner far too long because of the debts he was creating .

call women’s aid for help .

You will feel guilty for now that is your conditioning .. Eventually you will realise this is part

He's abusive. Tell your midwife. They can help you.

You're amazing OP, you can and will have a happy life, keep going!

Another update…

had to make a statement today… I still feel so guilty. Like I’ve done all of this. My kids don’t really understand and are obviously upset… I don’t really understand why this has happened, or why he’s been treating me like this. And now I’m in my 30s I just think that’s it now, I’ve had my chance at relationships and it’s obviously not for me… and then how on earth am I going to afford rent by myself and everything else. I keep thinking maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut and carried on with life.
But then the fact he only said goodbye to his daughter and not our little ones yesterday upsets me and makes me realise that him treating them differently wasn’t just in my head…

No, I think this is a normal reaction to bringing the curtain down on a coercive relationship. You've been bullied so long, that it gives you a panicky feeling to go against him. Plus hormones.

Just ride it out and promise yourself you won't take him back no matter what.

You need a period of nesting and treating yourself and the children. Get the essentials (like UC claim) done then try to recharge and regroup.

So he’s now out on bail… he can’t have contact with me or our youngest for a month, but can with my older two (13 and 5) and that has to be through a third party, he’s suggested my parents to the police, which he’s done on purpose, knowing they’d easily be manipulated to taking his side…

Well done OP. This man is a threat to you and an abuser.
Your kids won’t miss him , that’s just a lie he’s been spinning trying to make himself more important than he is.
Speak to your landlord - make sure he cannot get back into your home, change locks if necessary. Tell your midwife what’s been happening.
You are a good mum and don’t need this man in your life .

Hope you're okay OP... You've been incredibly brave. Stay strong. He's manipulative and horrible. You and your kids deserve better x

He tells me he should kick the crap out of me

Any man who says this is capable of doing it. OP, please take the good advice you’re being given on this thread, and get yourself and DC away from him.

Abusers have a radar for people who have been through crap and have low self-esteem as a result. They love bomb them, but throw in little test to gradually see how far they can trample boundaries and separate their victim from people who will tell them their partner is an arse and they should leave.
The only way out is to dig deep and find the knowledge that YOU DESERVE BETTER! Is one of your children a daughter? Ask yourself, is this a relationship I would want her in and if the answer is no, you shouldn't be in it either!
If you're stuck in not knowing for yourself putting a child you love in the scenario should hopefully bring clarity. If you don't want it for her, don't accept it for yourself!

Good luck and stay strong, you have done the hard part, please don't let him back in, he may love bomb you like crazy, but the minute you let him back in the abuse will start again. And emotional abuse is abuse!