Horrible drunk

[Beckyij]

Just Coming for some company as shaking a bit after DP has come home at 6pm really angry and drunk. He did this a few months ago. I just don’t know if I can stay with him. He was calling me all sorts just for saying I thought he was coming home to go to B&Q with me late afternoon. He says he drank 4 pints in one hour, is that enough to get really arsey?

Tomorrow, when he is sober, tell him you were afraid of him . Really afraid.

His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

If he is horrified and promises never to drink again, you might have a chance of a future.

If he minimises, makes excuses or anything else, cut him loose.

Either way, put your own wellbeing first.

It will only get worse and likely keep happening

Thank you all, I know what I need to do, I just feel so worn down in other ways by him. Im not the same person I used to be before him. I feel like I’m stuck in mud sometimes as if I can see the way but I can’t move my feet. I know I sound lame.

You can get back to your old self, I promise. But not while he chips away at you.

Hitting objects is considered domestic abuse.

It's in the escalation charts and lists of domestic abuse by reputable organisations.

It's a threat/warning/demonstration, chest beating and violent; and it's a type of abuse.

It often escalates to damaging property, usually not their own property, and assaulting people

Tell him to go and punch things in his boss's house or a police station - he'll somehow manage to control himself then.

Unfortunately it was a mistake to move into his property, you know that now.
I would focus on setting up alternative accommodation.

(And if you ever decided to try to have kids through another route (donor, adoption etc).at least you could do so without this being your partner and home environment).

I just feel so worn down in other ways by him. Im not the same person I used to be before him

More indication that this is an abusive relationship.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?. Your relationship to him is over because he is an abusive drunk.

You are now with a man not too dissimilar to your own father. We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents, look at what yours taught you.

You are not responsible for your man, if he is sick let him clear it up. Do nothing to help him. Look at codependency and see how much of this relates to your own behaviour. Your own boundaries here need urgent revision.

I left a husband who was like this. Honestly I look back and shudder to think of how scared I used to be when he went to the pub, he would come home and be horrible to me, hitting walls and breaking stuff. He never physically hurt me but that doesn't matter, it was still abusive and I feel on edge even remembering it.

Leave him, it doesn't get better and it doesn't stay the same.

@Beckyij - its the feeling in the pit of your stomach when that keys go in the door when he gets back - he is going to be a nice drunk or an arsehole drunk this time......... At a flip of a switch they can change to rage.....
Please leave ......

Don't stay in this relationship , speaking from someone with experience of nasty drunks. Throw kids into the mix or any sort of pressure in the relationship it's not nice. X