I did the right thing but it hurts...

[Rainwind65]

Hello, everyone.

I have my own small business, about 30 ppl in total, and I recently hired a person who is in charge of new business.

I am 43F and he is 32M. I am happily married with 2 young kids. He is single with no kids.

I have developed a massive crush, omg, I feel honestly like a teenager. He is charming, kind and super hot. He is attentive ( because I am his boss 😂😂) and emotionally intelligent.

We were away this week together for a company event abroad, and I felt so so guilty to admit that I had the best time. He was staying in town with me, not in the same place, but somewhere close, and we really killed many business meetings together. After lots of alcohol and nice food, I asked him about what he likes about working in the company, and he said our collaboration! 😳 I was professional and didn't even hint, nothing. We went separate ways every night and we alway were professional but then.

I am home now, and feeling so deflated.

I know what I have to do but I feel so guilty and gutted same time. I even lied to my best friend today about him as I can't even talk about him, I am afraid if I talk about it, it somehow becomes reality.

I won't act on this feeling but it is very powerful. Thought I was all grown up. 😂

Anyone has good old wisdom to share? Again, I know what I am here to lose so I won't do anything stupid...

I agree it’s not easy but there is a very high probability that something will actually happen eventually.

We never really grow up....

its hard - do you think he would - he didnt try it when you were out for drinks

It’s probably the notorious perimenopausal crush phase. Don’t take it seriously and don’t do anything silly. It will pass eventually. How long that takes depends on how much contact you have.

make sure it doesnt turn into limerence - which hijacks your brain - read about it please. I had it and my life was a blur for about 2 years

Aside from the fact you’re married - there’s also the power imbalance with you being his boss.
well done for being professional and keep it that way 👍

I know it's tough but you're doing the right thing. Well done,

Don’t shit where you eat would be my advice. This is a disaster in the making, do not go there!

You know what you need to do, but you feel so guilty? Well you should if you are implying sacking him, or ending your marriage over it.
Instead, why not accept he's out of bounds and get a grip, apart from that do nothing and stay professional. Do you really want to damage your business over it if you work so well together?
Accept he's fit, smile and appreciate by all means, but you can let it stop there, no guilt required, because luckily thought police don't exist.

Yeah all seem a bit more under control now. His yearly review is coming up next week, and I bet he will resign...I have been trying my best not to get involved with him, delegating everything to my MD and just not working directly together with him to minimise the contact. He asked me few times if everything is OK with him, and I said all are fine, I just have no time to work across so many aspects which is kind of true but also BS... 😳

It is shit. But I will keep it professional. Arrghhhhhh