Hi I’m not sure where to start as it’s all a mess
im in my 30s husband didn’t want third baby last year
i told him I would do anything and he made some points on his device and I signed it
one was that I would visit his family in the Middle East last October whilst 6m pregnant
I ended up not going as I changed my mind and heard horror stories about kids not returning . I Also said I eould
buy baby all his clothes toys equipment and I have
when I was 2m pregnant he plays me a recording he had taken on his phone of us discussing to have a baby 2m prior where I said I would visit his family. He said it’s so that I can’t say I never said that….
now he says I tricked him and lied to him and I was never going to the Middle East ..
since baby was born 6m ago he hasn’t been emotionally supportive
-joked about my epistiotomy
-when I tell him how I haven’t had a full night sleep in 6m he says “it’s not a competition”
-when I say I’m tired he says “why did you want a baby then”
-Telling people that I’m making him do “everything “ around the house which isn’t true
yesterday I asked if he would scrub a small section of kitchen floor and he said no as he had worked from home and I said “your a horribleperson”
and he said he would tell our couples counsellor on me
-when I ask him to check baby car seat belt a few times as he’s been known in the past to not tighten it properly he raised his voice and told me “stop talking”
telling me that “men’s bodies are different “ when I want him to wake at night with baby more
he’s on the sofa last 6m as he snores but sometimes I bring baby to him at night so I can try to rest and he called me “rude and disgusting “ and told me to take the sofa and he’ll go up with the baby
i told him he made the sink dirty few hours after I cleaned it and he should maintain it and he stormed off and demanded an apology as he was hanging out with the kids.
he then said I had to “kneel” to him
Later changed the story to say he meant I have to be “humble”
later changed it to “I have to sit next to him as I had been stood”
-when he used the cars touch screen while driving I said it’s not safe and there’s probably a law about it and again he shuts down the conversation and says there isn’t any law and that he’s a good driver . He also tapped google maps on the motorway when his phone was on his lap . he now refuses to drive me anywhere. I do drive but not on motorway. He knows that will affect me as we’re in a village and the kids like going to malls restaurants etc
•I had last minute second thoughts about taking baby to his circumscision appointment and he said “if you don’t go I’m not helping you on the holiday you booked”
•he says until I agree on a date to visit the Middle East I’m not going to be allowed to go anywhere else with the kids
he has sympathised with Hamas “they’re just defending their country” and said he would disown the kids if they married non Muslims
im a moderate Muslim myself but I was raised in the U.K. while he came on a spouse visa .
big regrets at bringing him ( arranged marriage!)
sometimes i ask him to do all the kids morning routine and he says im trying to “punish him”
told son that “no one respects his work” whdn son wanted ice cream van and husband had work to do at home
last 6m i have been telling all this to my health professionals and they have referred case to marac as I think he might try and take them to his country as he doesn’t full British culture
im nervous about this
I’ve been given an idva worker.
what has stopped me seeking help before is he has recordings of me from the past scratching him trying to get the phone off him when he was recording. he has hundreds of recordings from the last 6-8y he says he would show the kids when they’re older if I ever tell them he wasn’t a good dad.
last 2 days he has acted like a victim and when I ask him for simple
things and he doesn’t help me I get emotional and he starts saying I’m shouting where I’m not —- and starts recording
last week he went away to Turkey as my parents told him to give us space from all the bickering which is upsetting us and the kids
he doesn’t say where he went but it’s oblivious he enjoys keeping it secret
I don’t know whether I’ll get to go to a dispersed refuge as he knows I have a place to study in a city not far away
I want him to stay away from the kids he’s not empathetic about my sons autism
we own the house as tenants in common I dunno if I can sell it from a refuge ? Will the refuge agencies be able to send us to Scotland ?
his parents are due to visit from Iraq this summer and a refuge would mean they will not see the kids which makes me pleased as his parents are controlling
but denying him seeing his parents could mean he gets revenge on me later asking for more of the house or whatever he plans
we own house as tenants in common his share on the deeds is 20%
he would like me to buy him out and do divorce on gov website
my mum says if I used nice words /had a feminine touch I could “ win him “ I’m autistic so come across as blunt most of the time