I've been with my partner 4 years on and off. We had a very strong sexual relationship when we first started. I broke up with him two years in due to the lack of physical intimacy and touching/kissing as I felt unloved and unwanted. When previously approached he said that if I kept forcing the issue its going to make him want to do it less.
He was very put out by me breaking up with im, got very obsessive/jilted (had to block him on everything including my work email).
When we got back together, the relationship has been good in most senses. He says he loves me ,doesn't want to lose me, wants to make me his wife. Initially the sex was often whereas now (1 year in). It has depleted again and I'm lucky if it is once every month or two. When we have had conversations, he said he would like me to initiate too as I tend to be very shy. I struggle with this due to the previous break up and not feeling wanted. The few times I have initiated , 1 out of 3 he will say no. (too tired, has smoked too much wacky, its been a bad day)
We had an argument around 4 months ago as I found he had been watching porn etc whilst we were both in the house. I brought this up due to me having the feeling of, if you have a girlfriend and don't have or initiate/want sex with her, yet you will have a wank in the living room? He was also looking at onlyfans and on thirst trap Facebooks of younger models.
On every other level, he is lovely, has a nice family. Is often up and down with his jobs but is always employed.
We have a 15 year age gap, him being my senior and no children if this is relevant.
I do love him and I don't know how else to approach this with him , he is making me feel like I am making a big deal out of nothing. Am I?