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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Emotional abuse?

7 replies

user1489616179 · 12/07/2024 14:47

When I first started dating my dh it was online and I said that I was high maintenance. I'm not really, I like to get my nails done once a month, my hair done every 6 weeks and Botox twice a year - all of which I pay for with my money. At the time he joked and said that was fine.
However, I now want surgery on my eyelids using money from my premium bonds (which he purchased about 8 years ago for me).
When I told him this he said I brought nothing to the relationship, I'm vain, selfish, think only of myself and "take take take". I never realised that when he gave me the premium bonds they weren't mine to do what I want with. I already had £24,000 worth and used £12,000 to buy our new kitchen. I also gave him £2000 for spending money on a recent holiday we had.
He said he's "not funding" my vanity.
i asked him to try and understand how I feel and support me as if he wanted to change anything about himself I would be with him 100% and he said that of course I would be because I'm shallow and vain.
We're not short of money and have a comfortable lifestyle so I'm not sure what he expects me to do with the bonds. I could argue that the money I used for the kitchen came from his bonds and my ones are being used if I go for the surgery but that would no doubt cause another argument.

i feel as though he now expects me to comply with what he wants and say no more about it.

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 12/07/2024 14:49

He doesn't get a say does he? It's your money so get your eyelids done if that's what you want.

StormingNorman · 12/07/2024 14:50

I would say it’s a disagreement rather than emotional abuse.

user1489616179 · 12/07/2024 15:26

It's abusive imo because he just calls me names without any discussion about why I want it, how I'm feeling etc. if it's not something he wants then the insults start

OP posts:
user1489616179 · 12/07/2024 15:31

He also says things like "how long was your ex with you before he got fed up and had an affair" which I find threatening

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 12/07/2024 15:33

user1489616179 · 12/07/2024 15:31

He also says things like "how long was your ex with you before he got fed up and had an affair" which I find threatening

Perhaps you'd be better off putting the eyelid money down as a deposit on a flat.

BlastedPimples · 12/07/2024 15:34

Sounds 'orrible.

Wouldn't you rather be on your own and spend your money how you want without him or anyone quibbling over it?

StormingNorman · 12/07/2024 21:40

He’s an arsehole but I still wouldn’t say it’s abusive.

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