3 months in and nobody knows I exist - normal?

[jubs15]

I've been in an exclusive relationship for 3 months now. We'd both been alone the previous 4 years, so it's a big deal that we've met each other. We see each other 2-3 times a week, speak and message every day, he says how he misses me, can't wait to see me etc. He definitely isn't with anyone else.

As he's part of my life and I'm happy to have finally met someone, I've mentioned him to friends, family and colleagues. However, absolutely nobody from his side knows I exist. He has a teenage son who I've not met, but I've heard him call, "I'm off for a couple of hours with my friend" - not girlfriend. He said he and his friends don't talk about who they're with and that his mum would ask him questions. Other than being 12 years older than him (we are both middle-aged), I feel I have everything that would make me a good catch in any parent's eyes.

I know it's only 3 months, but I'm finding it a bit odd that I don't exist. He claims he's not embarrassed by me, so am I concerned for no good reason and should just chill out?

Three months is absolutely nothing. He’s doing the right thing by not telling his family about you yet.

It’s still early days. I’d expect a relationship to be more public from 6 months onwards.

Three months is SUCH a short time, he's doing it right

Depends on people's circumstances. DP is very open with friends and family and they knew about me before we even went on a date. Some people are naturally very private and I can see why they might want to keep a lid on things for a while. You could ask him when he thinks he might feel more comfortable letting people know he's dating, maybe there is a certain marker for him where he feels better about it?

I could have written this post earlier this year...exact same set up...he has a son (albeit older and married) who I heard him talk to on the phone. He said similar, eg
'I'll call you back later, I'm just popping out with a friend' etc. difference is, we'd been dating over a year! I'd introduced him to my friends and family, but he hadn't told a single soul about me...it hurt. I asked him why, and his response was (and I'm quoting here!) "Men don't talk about this stuff with their mates...we just talk about bikes!" Which is blatantly untrue...whilst they might not discuss in great detail, of course men talk about their girlfriends/wives!

After 14 months of me being 'ghost girlfriend' I called time. The decider was after we'd been on a day out to the coast and he rather randomly bumped into a woman from his workplace - the woman introduced her husband and looked expectantly towards me (assuming an introduction would be made) and he just turned his back to me and ignored my presence whilst he had a quick chat! It was frankly rude (and embarrassing!) I introduced myself in the end, but he continued to ignore me. The woman looked as embarrassed as me, it was just so odd! I did call him out, and he said it was nobody else's business who he was out with 🤷‍♀️

Before anyone says that he's probably still married or in another relationship, he absolutely wasn't. I spent many nights at his house and we went away on holiday together.

I think 3 months is perhaps a little too soon to be worried OP...but if after 6 months you are still the 'ghost girlfriend' then I'd rethink the relationship in all honesty. He may not want to introduce you to his young children, but I would expect to be introduced to friends by this point.

You barely know each other after three months.

He's doing the right thing, especially about his son.

He's not wrong. He sounds like he's just a bit closed off, and 3 months is still early.
But that doesn't mean you should be okay with it. It's about compatibility too. How do you feel about being with a man who can go through this major life change and not tell a soul? What if you stay with him and you end up on the receiving end of his closed off nature?
Would he not tell you if something big and stressful is going on in his life, like work problems or the death of a close friend?
I had a boyfriend like this once. We were together 6 years and living together when his sister had a baby. He didn't tell me and went to visit her alone. Didn't understand why I was upset, it wasn't like it concerned me after all.

I'm not saying he's like that, but it warrants a conversation down the road.

Three months isn't long but it's long enough but if it's serious it's long enough and he should be thinking about how you feel. I had a bf who described me as a friend to his adult children after 8 months and it pissed me off. It's hard because if you have been married 20 years then obviously 3 months is nothing. But if you have been single and are meeting later in life it's a much bigger deal.

Three months might be a big deal to OP but her boyfriend has a teenager to consider - IMO he's being very sensible.

Time and time again we see threads on here from women who have introduced boyfriend after a matter of months and they're inevitably criticised for allowing the relationship to move so quickly.

I'd also wager that most teenagers don't want to hear about their parents' relationships to begin with. Saying he's meeting a friend is a good way to get the ball rolling without telling an outright lie.