I left what I now know was a psychologically abusive marriage last year when our baby was a newborn. STBX was never physically violent or controlling, but he was gaslighting, manipulative, stonewalling me and taking advantage of my vulnerability during and after pregnancy.
Long story short, he would be out multiple times a week until early in the morning (6-7am sometimes) even when I was heavily pregnant. In fact, it got worse then. He gaslit me and said it made no difference if he was out because I was asleep anyway. He would come back intoxicated and piss all over the house, vomit in the sink or on the side of the bed and be incapacitated with a hangover and the next day. He was unfaithful and contracted a STD, and we were not intimate since then so thankfully I didn’t contract anything. I tried to make it work but his behaviour and clear addiction issues didn’t improve after we had our child and I left him.
We were together for a decade. There were no major red flags for years before he started with this behaviour. I feel like after we got married and especially after I got pregnant, he got comfortable and took advantage of my vulnerability in the apparent security that I could not leave him when I was so vulnerable.
I have had a lot of therapy and a lot of support from family, friends and work and have been fortunate in that sense. I’ve also tentatively started seeing someone, but moving very slow and it’s very new. He’s very understanding so far.
I’m terrified of the same thing happening again. That a man can be great for years and then as soon as you become pregnant or experience something else that leaves you vulnerable, he turns on you because he thinks you’re basically “trapped” with him. Does this make sense to anyone else?